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Review:SkyEcho says:
Hi Writeyourheartout! I'm here with your requested review. Your story focuses on a really interesting idea. I haven't read much with Fred and George as a main characters so that's really refreshing. I've just flown through all of your chapters. I'm hooked and can't wait to find out what happens next!
I liked that you chose to include the actual job posting ad - it was written in a way that made me smile - I could hear the voices of Fred and George in there. And I think that's another thing you did really well in this chapter. The entire time I was reading, I believed the Fred that you created. I laughed so hard at Fred's random questions - and his reactions to Jo's answers! Your dialogue is really good. It flows and sounds realistic.
It also warmed my heart to see Fred with a moment of sincerity / seriousness with Jo when he asks her why she's really applying. You portrayed this beginning friendship with them really well. I could sense that both felt right about trusting the other - even though they didn't technically know each other very well yet. I'm looking forward to seeing their friendship deepen and finding out more about Jo's past... and how she fell in love with George.
The only thing that jumped out at me as a bit confusing was when Fred was giving her the terms for their agreement. When it's written "I am sorry, Fred, but I cannot stay." and "I am sorry, Fred. No" - is she actually saying this? If so, please include quotation marks. If not, then maybe adding some description of her / what Fred sees to help explain how Fred knows what she's thinking. I personally loved that the rules turned out to be Fred's suggestions! That was unexpected and really shows his character as well as how much he wants Jo to feel comfortable working there.
Jo is really likeable. I'm rooting for her to open up and I can definitely relate to being shy. You write humour very well! I especially liked the part where Jo sits on the whoopee cushion chair and your phrase "Well drape me in purple velvet and call me Dumbledore" - so funny!

I really enjoyed your chapter and can't wait to see what the next chapter holds :)

Author's Response: Hooked! I love to hear that about my story! Thank you so much! And I'm glad to hear that my story was refreshing, although it does sadden me a bit about how little the twins tend to show up as main characters in fanfic! I'm so happy you want to know what's up next! Yay!

Oh, that is music to my ears! It's so important to me to get the twins (and any canon characters) written correctly, so thank you! Phew! The ad was really fun to write as were the questions; I love that both stood out to you! And the dialogue, ah! You've completely made my day! *squee*

I love giving funny characters moments of sincerity, and I uber love that it warmed your heart! I really wanted Fred and Jo to have a sort of unexplainable instant connection, where they just clicked even though they're so clearly polar opposites. And I can't wait to post the Jo/George story! It's either going to be mostly in chapter 5 or 6, so soon it will be revealed! hehehe I'm glad I have you intrigued, though!

Ah, I can understand why that might be a bit confusing! She's not saying it out loud - she sort of does this thing where she thinks her thoughts fully before relaying them to whoever she's speaking to (usually with a nod or gesture). So it's not meant to be her speaking, but maybe something like italics would be better? I'll see if anyone else brings it up and make an adjustment from there! Thank you for pointing it out!

Yay! I had a lot of fun making Fred come up with the terms and conditions! I just didn't think Jo would either a) stick around long enough to make up the rules on her own or b) be comfortable speaking for long enough to actually express the deal for herself! So basically YAY it worked! :-D

LOL I think that might be my favorite one-liner of the chapter as well. hehehe And I'm just thrilled that you like and relate to Jo! She's really what the whole story is about, and if people aren't rooting for her, the story looses all of its pull. Also, it is so nice to hear that you enjoyed my humor writing! I usually write drama/angst, and this is the most humorous thing I've written thus far, so it's a great relief to know it's working out!

This was such a brilliant review! Thank you so much for leaving such a kind and detailed comment! You're wonderful! *hugs*


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