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Review:nott theodore says:
Adi! I'm so glad that you requested this review because I've been so short on time recently, and it means I finally got to read more of your brilliant writing! (By the way, you don't need to re-request, just poke me constantly when you put the next chapter up until I review). I've been so excited for this story and you've surpassed my expectations with this prologue!

The way you started this off was so fitting for this story, I think. Your description at the beginning was so lovely, almost lyrical, and the sort of atmosphere it built up was calm and serene. The way that you then went on to shatter that illusion through the story was so effective. If anything, I think your descriptions actually improved as you went further through the chapter - at the beginning they were lovely but later on you used more original description and it created a lot of tension and fear as you intended it to.

With regards to whether or not this works as a suspense builder, I'd say definitely. This is such a good opening to a mystery that I'm a little jealous I haven't written it myself :P The structure and writing style flows well but at the same time is kind of fractured (I'm not sure if that makes any sense) which really helps to build up the idea that something is going to happen. Starting the story focusing on the Muggle characters helped introduce the mystery element immediately by providing us with unfamiliar characters. From the point where they entered the graveyard I was constantly asking questions, constantly trying to work out what was going on, and the suspense didn't let up at all. I want to know what happened to the two people in the graveyard, who they were, why it happened, whether or not magic is involved...

I have a few little points of CC for you. My first is about the formatting, which makes it a bit more difficult to read, because there are massive spaces around the line breaks. I'd also just watch out for a couple of other things: at one point you say that he wants to empty his intestines - I'm pretty sure that should be stomach. Then there was also "distributaries of a river" - I think you mean 'tributaries' here.

The character I'm most intrigued about so far is definitely Maggie Bagshot. As I read the descriptions of her, I was actually thinking that she reminded me of the way that Bathilda had been described in the books, but since this is a Next Gen story it wouldn't have made any sense. There's something almost sinister about her, not necessarily quite to the same degree as Bathilda in the books, but it's quite unnerving. She seems to be this omniscient sort of character and I want to know why and how she knows all of these things, and why she's choosing not to share them. In a short chapter, you've constructed a great character already there, and I'm really impressed.

I love the idea of Teddy investigating what's going on, and I'm really interested to see how that will develop. The fact that we found out all of this is actually taking place in Godric's Hollow and that there could be some connection to Harry makes me really curious. One thing I do wonder is why Teddy would have gone to a stranger's house first if Harry lived just up the road - or perhaps he isn't in touch with Harry any more, since he seemed not to know that detail?

I can't wait to see where you go next with this story, Adi, and I hope that maybe I'll have hints of answers at least in the next chapter!

Sian :)

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