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Review:marauderfan says:
Hi there, here with your requested review!

I really liked your prologue. It's short, but I don't think it needs to be long - you've said a lot in a small number of words and that's a great talent. Also, I love that you've chosen to tell a story about Amelia and Fabian. Minor characters are my favourites, and these two aren't mentioned much in the books but played a big part in the war, so I'm really excited to see how things play out.

Your biggest strength in this chapter is your description - what the characters look like, the smell of the bakery, the feel of the breeze. I can picture the scene perfectly.

As for the characters' personalities - there's not a whole lot about them yet but I think this prologue definitely gives a glimpse into their personalities. Good job with Amelia particularly - I can tell that she seems like someone who normally thinks things over, hence her discomfort in this scene.

The transitions into dialogue were good! There's a lot of descriptive text in between but it's clear there's more thinking than talking aloud in the situation so it came across as perfectly normal to me.

There was one area where it might help to re-word a phrase slightly: and if Amelia had managed to find her way into it in a way she wasn't so embarrassed by,
This was a little confusing at first - I think it might work better as something like "and if Amelia hand managed to find her way into it by less embarrassing means"

Anyway, I think you've got a great start, and I look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! Yeah, we'll definitely have to go through and rework some of those old chapters, and I'll make a note of that suggestion. When we started thinking about making a story we looked for the less used characters so we could make their personalities without being subconsciously influenced by better stories. Thanks again for the help and please keep reading!

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