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Review:Cavell says:
Hi! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review, finally :p To start, can I just say that from what I've read so far, your descriptions are beautifuuul. You feel like you're really there with them, and it's only the start of the chapter, so well done with that! While the dialogue is at times difficult to understand, it did flow rather naturally, as did the whole chapter. You make the reader curious about Gerard and Williamson from the very beginning of the chapter, especially about the incident and why they ran away and what they were doing there in the first place (the last, by the way, wasn't explained and I would have quite liked an explanation). I just can't with your description, it's actually lovely. It's not too much so as to overwhelm the reader, but enough for them to picture it very vividly. Considering I'm awful at description myself, I'm really impressed with this.

The spacing, by the way, gets a little odd when you use the line breaks, but that should be an easy enough fix if you get a chance to edit this. Your grammar and spelling is rather good as well, and I found no mistakes, though there is something I want to point out -- you use a single apostrophe for your dialogue, and while that is generally acceptable, sometimes it simply looks odd with your writing, but that's probably just me being picky, so don't mind it if you want to.

All in all, this was honestly a lovely read and very intriguing and I would love to read more when you get a new chapter up! The prologue itself was very mysterious in every sense of the word, and I loved the addition of a familiar face in Teddy, and he himself seemed quite in character, though I can't say that for sure since we get such a brief glimpse of him. The suspense element works very well and your writing is just really nice and easy to read, so well done! Thanks for requesting, and feel free to re-request on another story if you want. See you around the forums!

--Linn

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