Teh! Wow, this is really great! What a perfect Halloween story. (And I can't believe I'm even attempting to compete with something this good in the unexpected voice challenge :p )
I love the chapter title. The Vampire Monologues- fabulous. :p But I really like the way you wrote it as a monologue directly to the reader, or as we find out, Dennis! (Aw, Dennis! I love how you incorporate him in so many stories - I feel like you've given him such a personality and I think he's a great character the way you write him! But I'm getting sidetracked.)
One of the best things about this piece is the way you incorporated the imagery - there were so many blood or body-themed descriptions that set the tone so well - like "a jaundiced glow over the trees", or "clean as picked bones". It's perfect. Not only is it easy to imagine and see it vividly, but it also fits in with the narrator's experience and view of the world.
Also, congrats on writing a new type of vampire, I really like the way you interpreted their mythology! My only experience of vampire stories is the series Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which has superpower vampires that aren't in control of their desire to kill. And the vampires in your story are forgetful, static, apathetic. It's such a contrast and yet it works so well! Now that I think about it, I honestly don't know how superpowers could last 400 years, and the idea of the mentally deteriorating vampire seems more logical, in a way! Anyway, cool interpretation.
I also thought it was interesting what you did with Sanguini/David's relationship with Eldred Worple, and how that changed over time. The more Eldred embellished Sanguini's character, the less Sanguini cared about anything, until he became a nobody in the woods again, content to be a forgetful recluse. Poor vampires.
P.S. I happened to notice that "Selenia Mayflower" has the same initials as another vampire/human romance novelist, coincidence? :P I appreciated that subtle jab at Twilight :D
Great work on this, teh!
Author's Response: KRISTIN!! ♥
Gaaah, thank you for this phenomenal review! Honestly, it just made my day - all your lovely compliments and your sharp commentary on the narrative! (I will also have to stop by and read your Reg Cattermole story; congrats on doing so well in the challenge, by the way!)
Ah. It appears that you're the only reviewer who got the reference in the chapter title. :P I've actually not seen/heard the play I took the title from (I'm not sure I can say the title...is it 12+???), but ah well, couldn't resist! :P AHAHAHA DENNIS!! That's me...being stupid. Also, I can't resist making Dennis suffer; he's just asking for it. Muaha. Now that I think about it, I think you're the only reviewer who has read all my stories containing Dennis Creevey in it; there aren't many, but more are probably on the way :P
Thank you for pointing out the body-themed descriptions! You're right on target! I made a big deal about the physical body in this story, especially the differences between the vampire and the human body, without referring too much to how the characters actually looked like; it's one of the aspects of vampirism that I decided to explore. Contemporary vampires are all about good looks and superspeed and amazing bodies/body modifications. So I wanted to expand on that a bit. Certainly, Sanguini's vampire body is durable; it is the one thing that grants him immortality, and he too pays close attention to bodies, especially to Eldred's changing physicality. Though of course, I can't say the same for their mental conditions. Somehow I thought it would be funny if you could live forever physically, but your mind wouldn't be able to take it...so you just go mad. Poor vampires? Hmmm...maybe. :P
MUAHAHA SELENIA MAYFLOWER. YES. (It was not a subtle jab at all. I don't suppose you're familiar with the Twilight stuff since you only mentioned Buffy, but if you were, you might be able to pick up a few other things here and there.)
THANK YOU, KRISTIN! ♥ *hugs*