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Review:MC_HK says:
So, I feel really bad that I didn't review this when I said I would. You've waited almost a whole month for it, and for that I am so sorry.

This was an interesting chapter. I think your descriptions are very well done and that you've really set up the plot in this chapter. Introducing all the important characters at the beginning is a very good move in my book, and you've also set the tone for your story. Also letting the reader in on some of Grace's powers was very good as well.

Now, for some CC/Opinions:
I like the way you have characterized James and Sirius, but I felt like they weren't very strong characters in this chapter. There was a rather long area that you could have done much more with their dialogue that really made their personalities show more. Sirius was a little better than James, but just ignore me if his personality comes out more in later chapters. I just think that it would be better to establish his personality sooner rather than later.

Lastly I think there are some parts in here that I don't think would happen. Like the part where Grace tells James about what she does and what she is with Sirius right there, but it's supposed to be a secret. I think that could have waited until later, when they were alone. I also don't think Pomfrey would have scolded them for their wands first, more that she would ask what they were doing in the Hospital Wing that late. You characterized her as very lenient in this, which I find interesting.

But overall, I think this was a good chapter. It sets the tone for the story and the plot is well established. Good show!


Author's Response: Oh, I don't ever mind waiting :).

There are definitely some areas I need to work on (which is exactly why I asked for your help). James' characterization is something that had turned out to be extremely difficult for me. I think I've got a handle on it now. I'll have to go back through and emphasize his personality (as well as Sirius').

I've tried to make some amendments to some of the parts you are speaking of. Several bits are still in the queue but I think it might be best if I go back and try to rewrite them. Not only are they unrealistic but they are messing with the pace! I don't like it when things mess with the pace.

Thank you so much for your help!


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