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Review:Lululuna says:
Hi, here from review tag! :)

This is a really intriguing an original beginning to a story. I like how it starts in the future, and will return to the past in order to tell the story during Marauders era, and I think prologues are really interesting ways of stirring up interest and suspense. Your character of Grace seems great so far: she comes across as brave, sensitive, and intelligent, and I'm interested to learn more about these secret powers of hers! I liked the little hints and details like how she wished she had a cigarette, and how she spoke multiple languages and was known to many members of the Wizemgamot.

I really like the idea of pulling people back from the dead, though I was a little confused about when exactly this prologue takes place since Dumbledore is dead and Kinsley is presiding (indicating it's after the HP books), but James and Lily and many others seem to still be alive. You might consider clearing up who exactly is alive and who is dead: also, there were a great many OCs and extra children who appeared.

It took me a couple re-reads to figure out (and I think I'm right) that Eileen Snape was Severus and Grace's daughter (I think?) and that Severus wasn't upset because he thought he was seeing his mother come back from the dead. So, in that case, you could say something like "Severus Snape stiffened as a young girl with long dark hair walked forward. It was Eileen Snape, named after her paternal grandmother, and Grace smiled proudly as her daughter walked forward." Same with Alphard, at first I thought he was Sirius' uncle come back from the dead as a child. Another option could be to just call forward the children, and not go into detail of all their names just yet and who they belong to. Just some thoughts I had, hope it helps a little! :)

Anyway, I really do think this is a really unique and great beginning to a story, and I hope I'll get a chance to read the next chapter and discover Grace's story soon! :) Nice job!

Author's Response: Hello!

Ah, thank you. :) I thought messing with the timeline would be an interesting way to start the story. I'm glad you like Grace so far, she'll be just a bit different in the flashbacks though, as she will be much younger.

My muddled confusion! Thank you! This chapter has been giving me difficulties since the first version many rewrites ago. It's in dire need of another rewrite.

I also need to throw a date at the beginning as I have with my other chapters. It's later in 1998, after the second wizarding war has ended. Several people who have died have already been brought back. (Also, the Malfoys are there, but they didn't die. They are there as requested by Grace. I've failed to mention that here.) I hope that cleared a bit up, I know it needs some work!

Yes, Eileen is Grace and Severus' and those are some great suggestions!

Thanks so much for the help! I will be on more revisions soon. I'm hoping I'll get this chapter right eventually.

-Rumpel


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