Hello :) It's a shame that it has taken me so long to get here after all the wonderful reviews you've been leaving me. So, here I am!
First of all, wow. Good on you for writing about such a sensitive topic. It's also very difficult to tackle. Self harm arising out of lack of self confidence is quite hard to write about and I think that you've done a pretty good job out of it :)
Initially, I was wondering why a dare left her so broken. I was surprised to see her affected to THAT extent. But then I read about her stutter and the self-esteem issues, which made sense, you know. I felt like it was probably a built-up reaction, as if this was the last straw. She was tired of being rejected.
I have a friend who used to stutter. Sometimes, he still does. And he's told me a lot about it. His experience, regarding confidence issues (not self-harm) are quite similar. So I think that's realistic. The dare just threw her over the edge.
I just wanted to remind you that Hufflepuffs are not necessarily bad. After all, Tonks was a Hufflepuff ;) It was said that Helga took in loyal people, but since she was so kind, she also took in the students that the other founders didn't want. I know that you didn't mean anything by it, but I just felt like I should clarify! :P
I also spotted a couple of errors. For example, there should be a comma in the first sentence after 'am'. Similarly, you'd missed some commas in a couple of other places. One read through should fix it :)
Also, this bit here- 'I was glad Seamus didnít see me with my wand out about to hex the first years either, otherwise he would of probably ran away.
And hid.'- is a little off, tense wise. And 'of' should be 'have' :P So maybe something like- 'I'm (since the rest of it is in present tense) glad that Seamus didn't see me with my want out, just as I was about to hex those first years either, otherwise he would have probably run away. And hidden.'
Also, Neville's entry seemed a little random. Maybe you could mention him being around before she blows up, rather than adding him in the piece suddenly.
About the scene where she actually lost it- WOW. I don't think I'd have been able to write that. It was crazy, and it actually shocked me. I wasn't expecting it, and I certainly wasn't expecting it to end like that. It's so angsty and sad. I think you could have improved it by adding some more detail and description, but it's great as it is as well. It just seemed a tad rushed.
One last nitpick-y thing I have. You say that she saluted pain like an old friend. I think there' something a little off about that. Greet, instead of salute would be better. If you want to use salute, you might want to change 'friend'. But it's up to you :)
Lastly, I hadn't seen the genre before reading it, and when the story took a turn, I was so shocked. I felt for Leah, I really did. As someone who's confident of herself in most situations, Leah's side of the story was definitely worth a read. I also admire you for putting in a bit of humour, like the part where Leah said that she's eat dragon balls if she ever saw Snape smiling again... OH MY GOD. I laughed too much at that :P
So, all in all, you've done a pretty good job here :) there is some room for improvement, but I'm so glad I read this.
Author's Response: hey! thanks for the review! sooo long :D
I'm so pleased that you thought this was a build up of frustration and anger and...feelings...because that was exactly what I going for.
I didn't really mean much by her being a Hufflepuff but the other houses weren't really suitable for her.
Thanks for you CC I'll edit those in.
I'm pleased that it shocked you and that you didn't expect it!
thanks for the amazing review, I'm seriously bad at responding sadly. ( I don't get enough practise ;))