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Review:Hogwarts27 says:
Hi, after reading your 'creepy' one-shot, I decided to check this out too, and really liked it. Your writing style is wonderfully descriptive, which I really enjoy. This story was engaging from the very first sentence and it held my interest to the end. You picked a great character to write about and you did it well. I felt like I was reading a diary with the character's innermost thoughts. And she had a lot of interesting things to say. I was a little surprised that Wallburga's attitude was so different in her youth than what it came to be in her later years, but it gave us a wonderful insight into the Black family through her eyes, and to relatives we know nothing about from canon.

Just a few minor things I'll mention if you ever feel a need to edit this piece - There were some places where the sentence flow was a little awkward, but that happens with a lot of writers, me included, especially when you're trying to be descriptive. And I'm not British, but there are some American words in there that don't fit, like cookies. Also the modern expression 'Mother will have a cow" - you might want to substitute something like 'Mother will be in a state'.
Also a few grammar errors I noticed, probably just typos from pasting edits:
1) he doesn't never speaks to muggles 2) which I knowhall, which I know leads to the ballroom 3) who heldold the doors to the ballroom open

Overall though, this was really good, and I'm glad I decided to read it. The Black family is fascinating, and I was glad to find a story like this. You've done a nice job here. Keep up the descriptive writing style. You're good at it, and it works. Just watch sentence flow. I read a tip on the forum once where a member suggested reading the story out loud to check sentence flow. If a paragraph is awkward to read out loud, it probably needs rephrasing. I think that's a great tip and have started using it with my own writing. Maybe it would help you too. Anyway, great work!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for reading this! It's my new baby. I'm glad you find this interesting and well written! I'm not British either, and do my best to britpick! I'll go through and take a look at those though, as well as the typos!

Thanks for the great advice and lovely comments! It means a lot!

-Janelle


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