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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

I love the premise that you establish in the story summary: evil is afoot a generation after Voldemort's downfall. :)

You develop a dark and creepy tone from the very beginning of the prolog, and keep the suspense up through to the very end.

There were a couple of vocabulary issues that jumped out at me. The first is, "Williamson rushed forward and fought back the urge to throw up the contents of his intestines when he saw what was lying in front of them." I think "intestines" should be "stomach," because I don't think you can actually throw up your intestinal contents.

The other one I noticed is, "They formed trails in the snow and branched out like distributaries of a river;" I think you mean "tributaries," here.

Also, I thought this line here was a little repetitious, and didn't fit the overall tone as well: "Like sick, splintered pink rubies."

The old woman who Teddy Lupin encounters at the end is especially spooky. I think she provides the best chill in the prolog. I love your vivid description of her voice here, "her throat opening up in a croaky, uneven whisper. She had been accustomed to silence and her voice had been stored away in her larynx, like an old music box in a dust coated attic."

This is also very creepy: "'Maggie Bagshot.' Her whisper clashed with the sound of the closing window, but the winds carried her words up to Teddy Lupin's ears..." :)

I'm left with many questions at the end of this chapter, which I assume is by design. Is she related to Bathilda Bagshot? Is she alive or a ghost? And what did she see, exactly? Does she know who the bodies were?

The story is very intriguing so far! :)

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