*smashes through wall*
I'm here as promised!
*brushes bits of brick from suit and straightens tie*
Right, *cough* down to business. ehem. *pushes hair from eyes* So, this was simply fantastic. Brilliant even. So I make a habit of reading the A/N's before I read the actual story and I see you have said this is less dramatic and slower-paced. I haven't read any of your others yet but I know what to expect now!
I meant to read this before simply because of your wonderful banner but forgot about it, so I was simply thrilled to come across this. BTW I have named the little challenge I set myself the 'I must be crazy' so for your other reviews I will enter saying 'I'm hear with you I must be crazy review', just to pre-warn you.
As I was saying your banner looked amazing and just really enticing so I was meaning to read this. Now I know neatness shouldn't matter that much when reading a story, but it helps doesn't it and throughout this I loved your attention to detail with the paragraph sizes and the bits you italicised. (I have a thing for (italics))
Even the title is centred and there's a little line, so yeah neatness is nice when reading.
I'm reviewing this as I go along so apologies if it comes across a little odd. First thing first the job you have given her sounds like the most boring job ever but you make it seem interesting to the reader, or to me either. Actually you make it seem like she finds it the most boring job ever but to me it sounds so much fun. Imagine the conversations you could be listening into. You made it very funny as well with the chess comment from twenty five years ago! Who remembers a chess game from twenty five years ago, that's crazy.
Your description is amazing and it is clear you have a lot of talent for writing or/and a lot of experience. I loved reading about her office, and the long desk and the massive fireplace and what the 'Chroniquill system' was. It sounds so much fun, imagine catching a traitor who no one suspected. It would get a bit tedious though I expect. I love details in stories, especially tiny ones that don't matter to the plot or anything but just add to the picture in my head, so I am pleased that you appreciate details as well.
'The drawer shut with a snap, and from inside, came the sounds of paper being crunched and shredded.' - I loved that line.
I loved the interaction with Cho and how sad you have made her, still hurting over everything she has been through which is believable.
You manage to capture the dull side of the war brilliantly, making it interesting. There was so much more to it then the golden trio.
I actually hate Marietta so I'm interested to see how you decide to develop her and what her role is ultimately.
Then at the end you drop the little bombshell that Cho sent, and we find out her mother is on the muggle-born registration commission.
I think you have done a wonderful job with this piece, taking a relatively minor character who also played quite a big part(if that makes sense) and showing the war like you are doing.
It must be seriously boring work if she can't stop thinking about Reg. Which side will she choose!
Cannons! (or harrypotterlover1)
Author's Response: Cannons!! I must say that you have the absolutely perfect penname for going BOOM and blasting your way through that otherwise dull grey review box. LOVE the way you push the hair out of your eyes; I'm imagining you being a tad more dramatic and flipping your hair back, though!
First, of all, you're amazing. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO CRAYCRAY. Thank you for your insane status update and for offering to read and review so much. Your generosity with your time has pretty much made me feel so Scrooge-like with my reading and reviewing - pretty much have done nothing in the past month :(
Next, thank you for this smashing review!And yay! You commented on the banner! easterlies made the PERFECT banner, and I never even requested it; I pretty much stumbled upon it in her Up For Grabs thread and my jaw clanged open and I thought, 'THIS BANNER. I HAVE WRITTEN A STORY FOR IT. BUT I HAVE TOLD NOBODY. YET IT AWAITS ME.' Naturally, I claimed it and applied it to my story. Sorry for rambling; you probably didn't need to know all that.
And I'm glad you like the formatting! I've always had trouble formatting my stories, and I think I'm getting a bit better at them these days; if you read my older stories, you'll find the layout of the text (title and all) far less aesthetically pleasing, due to my inexperience with html coding.
Glad you find Ettie's boring job amusing. I was trying to bring out the ridiculous nature of her work. And I'm so pleased you liked the details as well, and hopefully they didn't come across as too overwhelming; I can get carried away sometimes. And I'm actually quite happy that you dislike Marietta so far. :P I didn't mean to portray her as a perfect person, or write a huge sob story about her as an excuse for her actions in OoTP. She's a pretty flawed person; you may still dislike her by the end of this short story, but I dunno.
Anyway, thanks so much for this brilliant review! Am loving your crazy exciting reviewing style, and if I had to give your review a genre, just like categorising a story on HPFF, well it would definitely be 'Action/Adventure'.