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Review:Cannons says:
hey, here with the 'I think I'm crazy' review.

So, an interesting idea. Did it work... I'm not sure, because there was only one chapter. Are you going to/planning to update this at any point?

I'll just point out the bits that I didn't like as much first...

The first thing is I got really confused by this bit -

'Anyway, The Crappy Auror sticks out his hand to indicate the arrival of the Deatheater as he calls out, "Ivan Krum, nephew of Viktor Krum." At the same time, a broad, well built man brings out the famous quidditch player onto the podium. He looks irritable and annoyed.' - I think your saying that Krum and his nephew came on to the stage both with their hands magically handcuffed? so are you saying that Krum is also a Death Eater or something. I don't know, I might have totally misread it and you might be swearing at the screen at this point. :P

also when you say

'The Crappy Auror' I think it would look better if it was 'the crappy auror' with no capitals and italicized.

*cue eye-roll* - the '*' aren't needed so it makes it look a bit out of place.

and lastly the 'gun' bit, I think you should change that because it feels to 'muggle-y'

also lastly(2), for me there was too much swearing, I'm fine with swearing normally, but I think too much can take it further away from HP as there was hardly any swearing except from Molly Weasley's epic line.

Otherwise I think it was an interesting idea. Kingsley resigning after what seemed like a decent tenure(?), and then you mentioned the massacre which I was intrigued about.

and then you dropped the Scorpius bombshell! oh my. I imagine there was a lot of tension when they got together with Rons views etc so when he was found out she'll probably get a few 'I told you soo's' what drama! daughter of one of the trio who epically fought against Voldemort, dating a death eater who's father is a death eater!

I liked how you experimented with the style here and with an edit to clean all the mistakes up it will be a really intriguing and polished first chapter!


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