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Review:marauderfan says:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review.

So, this is your first fic! Congratulations, that's a wonderful accomplishment to get it all written and posted! :D

Your writing style is good. You have a nice balance of dialogue and action, which makes it flow really nicely. The description of Hogwarts in the beginning is really lovely. And I liked the interaction between the characters at the breakfast table, too. Chad and Kyrian are pretty funny!

You asked for CC, so I have some - but don't take it too harshly, it's not meant that way. You have a great story here, I'm just going to suggest things that I think could make it even better. Firstly, in your A/N at the beginning, you said that you "don't know if it's any good" - I'd delete that part so your story starts out strong. Have pride in your writing! :)

Ok now onto the actual story. Sometimes I noticed that you included multiple people's dialogue in one paragraph. That can get confusing as to who is speaking, so if you separated it out into one speaker per paragraph, it should get a lot clearer.

I liked the flashback to "several hours earlier" - I thought it was well done - but the only thing that took away from it was that the beginning of it was kind of a lot of background info. If you peppered that throughout the flashback rather than dumping it in the beginning, it won't seem like quite so much information at the same time.

I hope I haven't sounded too critical. So I'll end with some praise too, just to round it out! I like that Cho Chang is the Headmistress! I haven't seen that before in fanfiction and I like the idea that she became headmistress. Anyway, the end of the story is very cute too, I'm glad Albus and Kyra both felt the same way, and those last few paragraphs definitely show all the hope that comes with the start of a new relationship.

Well done writing this, and again congrats on posting your first fic :)

Author's Response: Hey thanks for review!!

I'm really happy that you liked the story and that you found Chad and Kyrian funny!! I also found that Cho Chang being the headmistress would be uncommon because I also never read about her as headmistress so I thought why not? I'm glad you liked it.

I'm also happy that you find the flow and writing style good because it's the main thing about which I was unsure and needed feedback on..

And THANKS for the CC because I really needed it and I needed others point of view on the changes that I could bring into the story. So thanks for that and I'll be sure to take what you pointed out in consideration..

Once again thanks for reading and reviewing! :)

- kristyhes


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