Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:marauderfan says:
Hello there my friend! It's marauderfan here with your requested review. :)

Ok, first of all, the first paragraph: beautiful. I love the imagery there. I can picture it perfectly in my mind, and it's nice and dark which sets the tone for the whole prologue.

You asked how you handled the prologue. I definitely think there is an element of suspense in there, and that you wove the suspense in and mystery in very well. Your vivid imagery throughout is also really wonderful, it adds so much to the story and sets the scene well. And I like the way you illustrated three different scenes in order to show the mystery from a couple of angles, which will all be tied together later.

In the beginning section there's an area you might want to take a look at again: Williamson rushed forward and fought back the urge to throw up the contents of his intestines when he saw what was lying in front of them. His companion's face was white and his eyes, the size of saucers. His mouth stayed open, as if in mid-scream

When I read that, I assumed that Gerard was dead, based on the way the sentences flow into one another - it sounds like what was lying in front of Williamson was his companion. (In the rest of the paragraph that's cleared up, but I think it would eliminate confusion to just fix it up a little so it's clear that they are both alive and shocked at seeing what is lying on the ground before them.

Overall, this is a promising start, and a really effective hook, I'm eager to read more! Lovely work on this chapter. :)

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 461
Submit Report: