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Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
This introduction to your story is intriguing. Very intriguing. There's a lot of mystery here, bringing to mind something like the Potteverse version of the X-Files or Sleepy Hollow - weird, macabre crimes tinged with supernatural elements. It's not at all what I was expected based on the banner and summary - I like it much better because of the dark, suspenseful atmosphere that you construct in this first chapter. It's a fantastic way to begin because of the way it captures the reader's attention. There's a lot of potential here, and it's exciting to think of where you could take this next.

One major point you should consider working on in your writing are the descriptions because, while you're clearly trying to make them affecting and poetic, you are mixing metaphors and dangerously approaching purple prose. This purpleness especially comes through in the lines like "the fading light kissed the snow delicately" - it's a sadly overused image, so unless you're writing parody, it's something to avoid. Those first two paragraphs are overloaded with different kind of images and metaphors - there's light, colour, personification - and as a result, it's actually difficult to imagine the scene. What's going on in the first paragraph doesn't wholly match up with the second. Your descriptions improve a lot by the time you get to the final section - the image of Maggie Bagshot in the doorway was striking. There, you included just enough description and it made her feel very real throughout that scene.

My second point of criticism is very nit-picky, but when you say that Williamson wants to throw up, he can't actually do so from his intestines. It's only when the food is in his stomach and esophagus that he can regurgitate it. Similarly, in the last section, Maggie first says that Harry Potter lives down the road, then she says that he lives up the road - it's just one of those funny details that are easy to fix. :)

I'm definitely going to keep my eye out for more of this story because you've piqued my curiosity. If these strange occurrences are building toward the return of Voldemort, then what do they mean? Why would Voldemort use weapons instead of spells? Has he lost his magic? Or is there something else attacking people, perhaps a werewolf or some other magical creature? You've got a great idea for a story here - please update soon! :D

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