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Review:academica says:
Hello! :)

Wow, this was really cool. I'm very excited to see your unique style play out in a longer work. The first thing I noticed and really liked is your portrayal of Lily - she's very tough, inside and out, and yet not without some vulnerability at her core. She's interestingly detached from everyone else in the story at this point, which is kind of a cool way to conceptualize the issue of blood. It must be bizarre to be one of only a couple Muggle-borns even left at the school.

Yeah, the lack of emotion here is interesting. Lily is contrasted so effectively against girlish Mary and concerned James. I'd say the character she's got the most in common with right now is Sirius, though we only know a teeny bit about your Severus at this point. By the way, I thought that short scene with Sirius was really poetic.

The only critique I have to offer is that this chapter seems a bit bare bones. It hooked me in, but I thought you missed a good opportunity to stretch those imagery muscles I know you have and fill in some of the surroundings to the dialogue. I can appreciate that maybe you decided to go that route because of the detached theme, though.

Great work! I'll be back for the next chapter :)


Author's Response: yay! I love getting your reviews so this was such a great surprise.

As always you catch on quickly. You've nailed it completely in all of your assertions. It's so fulfilling when readers get the characterization and the points I've made. You're right: Lily has a lot in common with Sirius, and yes, the numbness and lack of emotions portrayed here was quite calculated, as well as Mary and James's overbearing nature.

I've actually gone back since I read your review and fleshed out the dialogue a bit because I think you have a point: I should use my imagery a lot more ;) I think I got so caught up in Lily's lack of emotions that I forgot to spread out my imagination, letting it spread out as usual instead of being so focused on my plot and dialogue and allowing it to limit me.

This review was so helpful in every aspect, thank you so much for leaving feedback - it is greatly appreciated. And thanks for the nomination :) You're wonderful.

- Emma xx

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