Well, I've finished reading, and just want to say, this story has gotten more interesting by the chapter! I'm happy to see some of the cool snobbishness showing itself, and am kind of curious what will happen with Ambrosia and Voldemort.
It's interesting I think that he finds him attractive. I haven't changed my mind about my comment on the first chapter, that this could just as easily be Bellatrix's story, because we all know how absolutely ga-ga she was over Voldemort.
But that doesn't mean I don't like your choice to focus on an OC instead. I like the dynamic of the sisters and how it's all playing out.
One part that was a little bit confusing was the point where Ambrosia left the clock shop - at first I thought you were talking about Bellatrix but had to go back and reread to see that it was actually Ambrosia being followed by the clerk. I think it was just the use of pronouns, and maybe replacing a few "she"s with "the younger sister" or "Ambrosia" might help clarify that.
Also, one last thought, and I'll leave you alone, I promise... ;) I wonder - why doesn't Ambrosia have a nickname? Narcissa is Cissy, Bellatrix is Bella. Pretty sure they called Andromeda something, too. Just a thought I had, that maybe Ambrosia might have one too, but of course, she could simply prefer her full name.
Anyway, overall, I think you've done a great job setting up an interesting story. I hope my reviews have been helpful, and best of luck with the rest of this novel. :)
Author's Response: Hello Cypress!
Here it is - your long overdue and much deserved reply. I can't thank you enough for reviewing what I had posted of this story back in October, and I've used some of your suggestions in the huge backlog of chapters I started building up over the past few months.
Ambrosia does have a nickname - it was Sia - But I didn't use it in the earlier chapters because I wasn't sure I liked it. I use it now, and it'll be used in subsequent chapters.
I also replaced a lot of the clock shop pronouns - thank you for pointing that out, because I remember that when I went back to do it, it was hard for even me to follow! I haven't posted the edit yet, but it's on my to-do list.
Anyway, I'm starting to set up the plot more and more, and its slow, but I'm glad that the sisters seem similar for now. I have a plan for later that I'm hoping that initial resemblance will drive home, but I don't want to say too much now, in case I change my mind about some part of it.
Thank you again for your reviews, and I really enjoyed writing Luna in your challenge! Five Senses was a brilliant idea!