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Review:CambAngst says:
Hello, again!

I really liked the way you started to flesh out your characters in this chapter. At least one major conflict started to emerge and the team dynamic started to come together just a bit. To be so early in the story, it was impressive how much I felt like I learned.

Roxie was a great foil for starting to draw out Molly's obsessive need for structure and order. It's obviously not Roxie's style and the compulsive need that Molly seems to have for organization creeped her out a little. I absolutely loved the idea of Molly color-coding her liquor cabinet. It cracked me up to an almost irrational extent.

Moving along to the practice, it was pretty obvious that Molly and Fitz were going to butt heads. It's odd that even though I think Fitz is meant to be relatively young and very handsome, I have this mental imagine of a middle-aged man with a hang-dog appearance. I'm thinking Henry Winkler in The Water Boy, actually. It's mostly just because of Fitz's approach to coaching. He's in so far over his head, yet he's too proud and too stubborn -- possibly also too scared -- to accept help when it's right in front of him. For what it's worth, I have a premonition about who's going to end up being team captain and I don't think it's Molly.

You did a great job of using the dynamics of the team practice to start developing personalities for the other players. You can see all sorts of little conflicts that will need to be overcome for the Prides to be a good team. I'm wondering whether you watch a lot of sports movies in real life, because the set-up feels so familiar to me.

Once again, I couldn't find a thing wrong with your writing. Everything flowed beautifully and there wasn't a typo or grammatical problem in sight. Kudos for awesome editing!

Great job with this chapter. I'm really starting to enjoy this story!

Author's Response: I'm glad it's coming together! Writing sports stories is different for me, so I'm trying to just think of it as a romance only and cross my fingers and hope for the best when I start writing their games.

Roxanne and Molly are besties, and Molly featured several times in "Sparks". It was fun to show their continuing friendship, this time from Molly's POV. She and Roxanne like to tease each other. Roxy wasn't creeped out - Molly's colour-coding is sort of well-known among the Weasleys - she just likes to rib her about it. Molly famously colour-codes everything. ;)

I've never seen "The Water Boy". He's definitely a younger guy, in his late 20s. Molly's age. He really has no idea what he's doing as coach. He hardly got to learn anything from Rodan, who barely coached anyway, before Rodan was fired, and as a player, Fitz never paid enough attention to what anyone else was doing. He focuses too much on the Chasers as a result, since it's what he knows.

I can't say I've seen a lot of sports movies, but I've definitely seen a few. "Mystery Alaska" is one of my all-time favorite movies, though. I'm sort of challenging myself with this story, outside my comfort zone. Thank you so much for the wonderful review and kind words, it really means a lot!


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