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Review:cypress says:
Hey there - just have a few more comments. I noticed in the last chapter and this one that you tell me what Ambrosia is feeling - elation, disappointment, shaken, thrilled - but one piece of writing advice that I really try and employ myself since I think it's a good one (as hard as it is to do!) is to show, not tell, emotions. Or show in addition to tell. I'd like to know what her body is doing, if her mind is racing, her palms are sweating, her heart is thundering in her chest, if her eyes widen, her mouth is dry, she swallows...I want to know what her hands are doing, how her face is changing, or is she struggling to keep it blank? You do this in some places - I recall a chill going up her back, I believe, in Chapter 4, but I think you can definitely do more of that to help create the atmosphere you want.

Also, I think it's interesting that you portray Sirius' parents and brother the way you do. I honestly would have imagined it the other way around, with Walburga being cold and uncompromising, and Regulus secretly sad, angry, and hurt that his brother left, only because Reg was the one to ultimately betray Voldemort later on, so his heart must not have been totally in it, or I suppose something must have changed along the way. I'm curious to see what you do with him.

cypress.

Author's Response: Regulus is really one of the hearts of this whole story. I love writing him, and I love his story - it's almost the reverse of a fall from grace. Walburga is far from static too - and I'm attempting to make it clear that she's upset about Sirius leaving, but that what she really mourns is what he's done to her reputation. I saw her and Druella as women proud to produce what they thought was a "perfect pureblood," to the point that their entire self-worth is based on that. I'm not sure how well that came through, so I may try to make it clearer.

Ah! It is such a hard piece of advice to follow. And in long pieces of writing, things like that get harder still. Thank you again for the CC, it's insightful and will be implemented!

Again, sorry for the crazily overdue responses.

Warrior


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