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Review:cypress says:
Hello, hello! cypress here with your final couple of promised reviews. I know you asked for reviews on later chapters in this story, but I find it easier to review longer stories as I go, and as I think of things to say, so you'll be getting a few more than 2 reviews. ;) Granted, they won't be as in depth, but it's just easier for me to do that than to save up all my comments.

First, I love your opening line. "The dark, quiet suburb of Tatting Cross, though used to its fair share of rain, had scarce experienced the cascading sheets of water now slashing almost sideways through the air." (I think you meant scarcely, maybe, but thought you might have chosen the adjective form for rhythmic reasons. Either way, I know what you meant.) I think you have great use of adjectives - not to little and not too many. I think if you'd thrown in a few metaphors, just for the sake of flourish, it would have lost its impact. There is something elegant and very "Coco Chanel" about the way you write. What I mean is, Coco always used to say something to the effect of, after you've dressed, take off the last accessory you put on. Basically, don't overload the outfit. And a lot of writers end up overloading their sentences with too many accessories. :P You strike a lovely balance, and that first sentence is a perfect example.

As I started reading, I almost wondered - why Ambrosia? Not that there is something wrong with an OC, but her enthusiasm and thirst, the way she walks, the way you describer her as anything but normal, I could actually see a story starring Bellatrix, her mother greeting her with excitement from the kitchen, and Lucius Malfoy, and old friend of the family who has an eye on Bella's younger sister, being the one to indulge her.

Perhaps the reasons will clarify themselves as I read on. Just questions I'm coming up with as I read (and not at all meant as criticism!).

Looking forward to reading more, but it may take me a while to read through the rest of the story. I'm going to try and fit in little bits of this in between work projects, so we'll see how it goes. :)

Cheers,
cypress.

Author's Response: Hello Cypress!

I've gotten so much out of the comments of yours that I have read so far, and I appreciate your giving me such honest opinions! It's going to take me a little while to read and respond to all of your reviews, but I will definitely do so.

It's good to see that you enjoyed the description in the first chapter, and I confess I am flattered to be compared to Coco Chanel - One of the things I do try to remember in my writing is to let people paint some of the scene for themselves, as a teacher of mine once phrased it.

You're right about Ambrosia at this point as well. Her story was based on what I always thought Bellatrix's would be, and so it was easy and made sense to make them sisters. I chose not to write Bellatrix's story because I had an ending in mind, and it was radically different from where Bellatrix ended up. I wanted to weave my version of events through canon without changing too much of it, and that's where Ambrosia came from. ;)

I know this is a bit long for reviewing, so thank you again for taking the time!

- Warrior


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