Hi, there! It's been quite a while since I've checked out any of your writing and the story description for this one really roped me in. I love a good Quidditch story.
Right from the outset, I got a chuckle out of this. Tight black leather trousers, tall dragonhide boots, and a silky top in a rather glaring shade of green. Is it bad that the first thing that popped into my head was, "I wonder whether she borrowed those trousers from her Aunt Hermione?" Seriously, though, you immediately created a striking persona for Molly, one that flies in the face of the vast majority of the Next Gen characterizations of her that I've read. There's nothing bookish, snobby or church-mousey about this Molly Weasley. One wonders what Percy makes of his eldest daughter and her unconventional fashion sense.
At the same time, there's a conservatism and vulnerability to her that helped to balance out the character. She isn't completely sure of what she's doing. She seems very nervous about it, actually. There's a real conflict between the security of her backup role in Holyhead and the thrill of taking a flyer on a starting job in Portree. In spite of her "bad girl" image, she doesn't want to upset her team by being disloyal. Maybe she really is Percy's daughter after all.
I loved the way that you worked a lot of her back story into the dinner scene and made it feel completely natural. If Molly had been saying or thinking all of those facts about her Hogwarts and Junior League career, it would have felt awkward and forced. Instead, you just made it seem like Meghan McCormack has really been doing her homework. Very nicely done!
Riordan Fitzroy was really well crafted, for my tastes. His situation fits so well with the narrative you've built around the rest of the team. A former star player whose career ended far too soon, thrust into the head coaching role with little or no experience and handed a completely rebuilt team. I love it. The Prides are basically going to be the Bad News Bears of professional Quidditch! I would also be completely remiss if I didn't highlight this line: “No wonder he started wearing his underpants on his head, then. Love it! Hmmnnn... Seems that Fitz and this Waldman lady have some sort of history. I'm curious whether she's a player or a coach.
First chapters are never easy, and I thought you did a great job with this one! I'll definitely be back.
Author's Response: Hi there! I hope you like the story. Hopefully I can do Quidditch justice - I'm not an especially sporty person, but I do my best to write it.
Ah Leather Pants Hermione. She's a queue classic. Right along with Leather Pants Draco. haha. But no, this is because this is how I've written Molly in the Next Gen "Midnight Run" and its spinoffs. So now she's got her own story after making brief appearances in Rose's POV and slightly more appearances in Roxanne and Lucy's POVs. Don't worry, Percy is very proud of her for being both rule-abiding and "cool" ;) What he probably wishes he'd been, more like Bill. Molly's avant garde and dresses punk, but she's not a bad girl. Quite the opposite. Head Girl in her day, after all.
Jumping ship from Holyhead is a scary thing for her. Rose remarks (in the second Midnight Run novel I think it was) that Molly wants to be Aunt Ginny 25 years ago, and Roxanne wants to be Aunt Ginny now. Ginny played professionally for the Harpies - and not as a reserve player. So leaving that dream behind to make something new is a scary thing. For all her modern art tastes and punk clothes, Molly likes to take a sure bet rather than take a chance. And she definitely doesn't want to be disloyal. Such a Weasley about that ;) Some of Molly's backstory (the Head Girl thing in particular) was brought up during the Midnight Run stories, but I wanted this to be able to be a stand-alone story so I got it in here as well.
I'm glad you liked Fitz! The Prides are a bit of Bad News Bears, aren't they? You'll see Waldman soon ;) and find out who she is.
First chapters are definitely tough to write. Thanks so much for the lovely review! I really appreciate it.