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Review:loveinidleness says:
This is a really interesting beginning to a story about the Dark Lord. It almost feels as if it could be a little one-shot and this self-contained mini story is a really exciting way to start a bigger project. Very 'I open at the close' I'm certainly intrigued.

There are a couple of confusing phrases throughout this piece including:

'Taking a deep breath, she took a deep breath, and verged out of the brush'
'she refused to let him slip.' as opposed to 'she refused to let him slip away.'
and
'But her dreams were soon filtered.'

Tiny things and nothing that a second read through won't fix, but I thought I should mention them.

I do also think how this chapter fits in is a bit confusing. Your story summary is 'Tom Riddle is anything but ordinary' so when you started with Merope and Riddle Snr I thought this was going to be a story about them so I was a little confused when you moved through the story with such a pace. Then I noticed on the forum's you advertised it as a story about The Dark Lord in which case the pace is very appropriate for a chapter offering background. That's really more an issue with the story summary but I did find it distracting and I think it contributed to fact it took me longer to become invested in the story.

I must admit I did find it hard to really engage with your characters but this is more because we had such a short space of time to get to know them. The bits of description you do include about them are really wonderful so I would have loved to see more of that. You describe the attractive Tom Riddle and his light stubble in great detail, I would have loved to see you write that for Merope as well.

I did think it was heart-breaking the way you wrote about how much she loved him. The details about him buying her a house were very poignant because, as readers, we know the end of the story and the fact she ends up giving birth sickly and poverty.

I do think this story has a lot of potential and that it's a bold way to begin a story. I can't wait to see how you continue it.

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you very much for the review!
I'm sorry that you had a bit of trouble with the plot/characters, but I just wanted to say that this is the prologue, therefore the rest of the story will be about Tom, while this chapter was just a quick little intro about before he was born. I hope that clears that up.Thanks again for the review! :)


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