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Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
Here from the review swap! I couldn't resist stopping by to review the next part of this collection - you did a great job with Lily, and I was looking forward to seeing your work with James. It was definitely worth looking forward to!

Your characterization of James and the other Marauders is very good. Your depiction of the scene was nicely realistic, with James experiencing this moment that hits him like a brick wall. He's got Lily, but this next step of their relationship clearly never occurred to him, and I liked how you showed him working through the problem. It's great that he was able to make that kind of confession to Sirius, knowing that, once, it would have lead to ridicule, but now that they're both older and more experienced, James knows that he can rely on Sirius to help him through it. What was perfect about the characterization of both of them is that you include the jokes and silly remarks even while they're discussing these serious topics - they're still the pranksters of Hogwarts, only the war has changed them, aged them. It feels quite natural, how you've shown them at this stage in their life. It makes this story a treat to read.

In terms of critique, consider going over the ending. There is a typo in the last line, but those two paragraphs don't have the same power behind them as does the rest of the story - part of me isn't sure whether that part is necessary. It's a little rushed. Perhaps expanding on the ending a little would make it fit more smoothly with the rest. It's a cute fluffy moment, very important to the relationship between the Marauders.

Great work on this story! It's a wonderful idea for a story collection, and your characterizations are fantastic!

Author's Response: I am so glad you were able to come back for the second part!

It's great to hear that James and the Marauders worked well. While I did see them as more mature I had to include the silly bits (they're still 20 or so after all). It was a lot of fun to blend in references to mischief at school and their still young personalities. I had been concerned about Peter being too likable but I'm glad that wasn't an issue for you! "Treat to read" is quite a high compliment - thank you!!

I'll definitely look at the ending a bit. I wanted to have a bit of happy/resolution for him. I have a few ideas I could add to make it tie-in better with the rest of the chapter.

Thank you so much for a well thought out review. Your CC and positive feedback were very helpful!!


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