Well, this is a very interesting premise :)
Woah. Did Harry KILL Lucius?? Wow, I did not see that coming.
"What shocked Hermione was his unchanging expression when Harry uttered those two words, then with a flash of green light, Lucius Malfoy was no more."
Yikes, Harry Potter's definitely changed--I'm wondering if there's something wrong with him that he's so emotionless at this part.
Anyways, to address your concerns...
Aside from certain spacing and grammatical issues (if you go through once, you'll catch them), there's nothing drastically wrong with this chapter. It's very easy to read and flows considerably well. However, you're concerned with the battle scene in that it's not brought in well. For this, I would recommend taking the time to establish setting before you delve into the fighting. Is this the FINAL Voldemort battle or something original. You have Lucius die, which doesn't happen in canon so...
Also, while I do think Ginny and Hermione would be happy to see each other, their laughing demeanor and "joking" conversation does not seem appropriate considering the setting (as you mention they are in the biggest battle of their lives). You establish the element of tension and impeding doom adequately in other aspects but this was just something I though I'd comment on.
Also, the character of Draco taunting Hermione---I know he's supposed to be an arrogant prat, but given, again, the setting...they come off as a little TOO immature. Since their lives are in danger here, I would think they'd exercise a little restraint.
I think you have an interesting premise but what's hindering the development of your MAIN plot (which, as you said is NOT the battle) is your setting. I would recommend perhaps changing it from the Great Battle to perhaps a smaller one is, say, the woods where the Golden Trio travel for most of DH. Or at the Malfor manor. You can still find a way to incorporate Draco in it. And I think it would flow better with main stream of your plot.
I'm excited for the Dramione aspect of this though :). So Draco takes a hit for her (
Author's Response: Hello!! Thank you reveiwing! And thank you for pming the rest of it, i appreciated it!
Haha yes, he did, but i have just recently edited it, and it was a rogue curse that killed him in the end. I had a lot of comments made about how they did not see Harry using the killing curse, so decided to change it.
Oh awesome, i have just done a spell check on this chapter, so hopefully i have picked up those :) I have done a bit of establishing as well at the beginning of the newly edited chapter, so i hope that worked enough :) It' supposed to be the final battle but.. maybe its not... o :P
I tried my best to make it that they were happy, but it was a bittersweet happiness. The impending doom is good, yay! I'm glad it works :D
I have got rid of the 'meet' in between the two, they acknowledge each others presence, but do not approach one another, as you said, a little restraint should be used.
That is a good idea! We do see that it ends up not being the last battle, and the later chapters envisions this.
Hehe who doesn't looove a Dramione pairing :P they do pass out, and a big conversation is made in the next chapter.
I am trying my best to develop the relationship slowly, as i want the characters to be as canon as possible. '
Not a problem about the critcisms, i have found them very helpful and insightful :)
I am so happy you find my idea unique, this really has helped and i hope that the improvements i have made are better :)
thank you again for all your help and kind words! I will definitely re-request when a slot opens up :)