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Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there - sorry for getting to this so late! Life has been hectic recently, so many things going on, so I've had little to no time to come on here. Hope it's not too annoying!

Anyway, I really like this. I love the idea of truth versus lies with kids, and how people fib to kids to protect them from the truth and ideas and things they can't handle, or don't believe they could handle, and the consequences of doing things like that. It's such a poignant idea, particularly with Remus and being bitten and the way you went through the day it happens like that.

Remus was amazing. He was so much like a small child, curious and very brave and adventurous and the things you had him doing throughout the day - posting a letter, drawing a picture for his grandma, picking crayons and things - were just perfect for a kid that young. You really, really captured the essence of him as a child and how innocent he was, and then took it all away at the end when he lies to protect his parents. It was such a touching, albeit bittersweet, moment.

One thing I would say is that despite the situation obviously being very tense, it didn't feel very tense throughout it. I'm not sure if that was a stylistic choice or not, since Remus is unaware of the tension and apprehension his parents have, but I thought I'd mention it all the same. Also, dialogue tags should have a comma, like this: 'I know,' snapped Remus, after them, not a full stop. It's a little thing but it's something to bear in mind ;)

Hope and Lyall were really well characterised as well. I loved how Lyall was angry with Hope for taking Remus outside as he thought that was how Greyback found them and how Hope was equally angry with Lyall for annoying Greyback in the first place - blame-assigning is something so common and I liked that you included it. They were definitely their own characters as well, which was so nice to see since sometimes smaller characters get neglected.

The parent-child relationship was great! I loved how Hope was obviously so close to Remus and liked spending time with him, and how Lyall had taught Remus how to spell his name using the names of magical creatures - it was such a sweet thing, and those kinds of details are the ones which make stories shine.

It was such a sad piece, and reminded me of the idea of growing up and how kids grow up and learn to lie and be compassionate and get exposed to the horrible things in the world - and that made me feel so sorry for Remus as he's kind of dropped in it at the deep end when he's so young. This is a strong, touching piece and a really clever idea and I really liked reading it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aphoride!! I'm usually just excited to get my requested reviews when they happen (and if they take a while longer it kind of feels like a surprise ^_^)

I'm really glad the truth and lies theme worked out. It always seems a bit ironic to me that people lie to protect kids but it can be more harmful in the longrun (case in point- Remus).

I'm so happy my characterization of Remus (and the stuff he does) is endearing and built the right amount of compassion for him to feel sad at the end.

I've been thinking of ways to weave in more tension throughout the day. I meant for it to crescendo but I don't think I've quite got it there yet. I didn't want Remus to be super aware of his parent's tension. I was trying for a divide between the grown up perception of a situation versus that of a child. I'll look at my dialogue tags (I have an unfortunate tendency to not catch that when I edit). Thank you so much for pointing that out!!

Hope and Lyall were quite interesting to write. I could imagine that Remus being bitten was one of the biggest strains on their marriage (which I like to think was otherwise quite happy). I'm really thrilled you liked the parent/child relationships. Writing about Hope and Lyall's closeness to their son was probably the happiest piece of the story for me (I was kind of projecting what I hope kids will be like for me). Your comment about the details I added about them making the story shine really made me smile. ^_^ Quite a bit actually. Thank you for saying that.

I really appreciate how you've connected this story to your own thoughts and experiences around kids growing up and the hard lessons they learn. It definitely makes me feel like I was able to communicate a larger message than the one directly told in the story. I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it!!!

Thank you so much for your review. It covered everything I hoped it would and offered excellent CC and positive feedback.


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