Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hello, here with your requested review! I do want to apologize for the delay--I had a major thesis deadline last week and no time for HPFF. Anyway, I'm here now, and I appreciate your patience!

I confess that I didn't laugh out loud while reading this story, but it was definitely cute and humorous in a heartwarming sort of way. I liked how Sirius kept pushing the envelope and leading James around on the crazy adventure that led to his ownership of the famous flying bike. The little details were also funny, like the comment about the Muggle girl giving them her number being part of a "courting ritual."

One thing that threw me off a little was James's characterization. He seemed like he tried to subdue Sirius at nearly every turn by reminding him of the rules and being concerned that he wasn't being careful enough. On the one hand, it's nice to see a take on James that doesn't involve him and Sirius being like twin brothers. On the other hand, it seems like what we know of young James from canon suggests a less restricted, slightly more reckless individual. Perhaps this event marks his maturity and growth into an eventual Head Boy. It just would have been nice to get more of a clear sense about why you chose to portray James in this reserved way.

I didn't really notice any grammar/readability issues, and the flow of the piece seemed fine. Overall, this is nice work, especially for your first attempt at a humorous plot.

Thanks for requesting, and I hope this is helpful!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi Amanda!! Hope your thesis work went well.

I guess if I didn't make you laugh out loud, giving off cute and humorous vibes is a close second for me. I'm glad you liked how I had Sirius pushing the line. The muggle courting ritual was my favorite bit to throw in - I'm glad my oddball idea for that worked for you.

Hmm, you make a good point about the way I wrote James. I do think he's reckless but perhaps a little more concerned about not going to jail. I suppose it came down to not wanting two completely reckless people to write. I think they both cared about following the rules in different ways - Sirius wanted to be respectful of the rules at the Potter residence where James wanted to avoid a stint in Azkaban for underage magic (and probably didn't want to be flattened by the muggle contraption of a motorcycle). I'll have a good think over how I could write in an explanation for his reserved behavior.

Thank you so much for this review. I found it to be very helpful between your honesty about the humor, characterization, and that I didn't have any readability boff ups. It's great to get such well-rounded feedback!!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 791
Submit Report: