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Review:BLONDEbehaviour says:
Hello! I am here with your requested review! (finally :P)

I decided that I should start from the very start of the story instead if the sequel, hence why I am here. I hope that's alright :D

I am very intruiged with what is going to happen to Hermione and Ron's relationship. Poor Hermione! That really is a horrible situation to be in and I do not wish it upon anybody. I hope she comes up with a good spell to hurt him with hehe :P

I think you have done well with starting off this first chapter. It doesn't feel overly fast paced, though there are some places where the sentences can be cut in half or even more sections that will help the pace of the chapter. One in particular that I picked up was that of the second sentence in the first paragraph. There are a lot of places where you can break it up and slow it down. Would work great!

There is also the possibility of adding a bit more description into this, but I actually don't think it would be wholly needed, just an added extra if you wanted to make the chapter a bit more in depth.

I think you did well with the characters, they are even and stick well to canon, with just a hint of fan fiction put in for good measure. It's a good combination :D

One little thing that I think could really help to improve the backstory that you have earlier, is perhaps Hermione thinking about it all in her head. Perhaps in bed as she waits up for Ron? Then it will help to feel a bit more intertwined with the story and give us more insight into Hermione's emotions as well.

I hope this is somewhat helpful, I really enjoyed this first chapter, I'd love for you to re-request for the next :D

If you could reply to this, i'd be very happy :D


Author's Response: Of course ill reply:) this is an awesome review and thank you soo much. This was my very first fanfic and there is so many issues with the grammar and stuff. But thank you!!! Someday ill go back and edit :P

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