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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey Rose! Iím here with your requested review :D

One minor thing, you mentioned Macnair at the beginning of this chapter, and unless Iíve been really oblivious I donít think you mentioned him before and his relevance to Remus so if you included that, it would be great!

Remus was unwittingly a comic genius in this chapter with the comment on the type of book Tonks likes to read. Iím not sure how he failed to realise that the book might have been in relation to him but either way it was a really great scene and had me cracking up a lot. Ah, I just canít wait for him to acknowledge his feelings for her. Now I think about it, theyíre both pretty terrible at announcing at those sorts of things.

Their dialogue in this chapter was really great! Iíve missed seeing it in previous chapters but here it was really put on show. You just wrote it so effortlessly and their conversation held my interest throughout. Only two minor points in regards to that, remember to continue to watch your dialogue takes and make sure that the correct punctuation in terms of capitalisation follows through. Also, try and not break it up with too much description in between as it leads to a more stilted and jolted read, other than it was great!

The mentions of Sirius when it came to meeting her parents was really great. I think the fact that Andromeda loved him enough not to report him really was so touching and warmed my heart to see that. Ah, just seeing her parents warmed my heart because I do have a soft spot for Ted and Andromeda.

My only wish with the dinner really is that you extended it because it could have had some really lovely awkward moments when they had to pretend to be a couple. A few paragraphs would suffice, I just feel that there was such a good opportunity there waiting to be used you may as well grab it.

Here, ĎďI hope you mean my Dad.Ēí The d of dad needs to be lowercase because whenever you use something possessive in front of it and other things too (I canít remember them now but if I do, Iíll get back to you) it requires the thing to be lowercase after :)

The summarisation of the canon things was done really well in my opinion. You kept your thoughts concise but still reminded the reader what was going on with them, so very well handled I thought!

A great chapter :D


Author's Response: Hi Kiana!! I always get a bit excited when I see one of your reviews. ^_^ And today I saw three.

Hmm, I have to go back and check. Macnair came up a bit in the prequel so I might not have paid him enough attention in this story. I'll drop in information about him. The jist of it is that Remus is working (unpaid/barely paid) at the ministery in the same department as Macnair to spy on him.

I think Remus knows it was about him but refuses to let himself think that. They get to emotion confessing soon (kind of soon).

I'll go back through and check the dialogue tags - thanks for pointing that out. I'll also check out the description to dialogue breakdown I have and see if it would work to rearrange parts of it. Were the descriptions not adding value or were they just unecessarily breaking up dialogue?

I like your idea about having a few awkward moments at Tonks' parents place. I have a few ideas that I could weave in. ^_^

I'm so glad you liked this chapter I'll definitely re-request after I've cleaned up the next one (I kind of tidy up the chapters a little before I request a review from you - it's like having a guest over).

Thank you so much. Your review was extrememly helpful and a delight to read!

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