Hello there, Iím here with your review!
One thing that would be really great if you incorporated was perhaps more bodily description to reactions like here Ď Shock swept through her and she froze, panic building. She hadnít been embraced like that sinceÖsince her own mother was alive.í This was such a momentous moment for Sadie (and resulted in lots of squealing from me) and though it was written really well, perhaps if you related to something like rubbing her hands together through nerves or whatever it really show how much this affected her.
I thought your characterisation in this chapter was really great! My favourite ones have to be Molly, Minerva and the Weasley children. You just had their worryingness, sensibleness and cheekiness down perfectly. I also like how youíve mish mashed them together really well. Having just read your blog, I agree, reading your canon characters here is a really pleasant change from never, ever getting the chance to read them :D
I thought you conveyed Sadieís confusion of all the people really well and even though I know all of these people really well I still couldnít help but begin to feel overwhelmed but the sheer amount of them and how they just popped out everywhere. One small thing though, you used ellipses quite a lot to convey that so perhaps, like I mentioned above, mix it up with some description about what she was doing or something else just to create more variation.
Ooh theyíre going to learn sign language! I really like that addition and itís so nice to see disabilities like that (even if they have magical roots) being covered as I so rarely see it done. It will make for a great story line. I also loved how Hermione already knew so much about them as it made me chuckle away.
Iím so intrigued about Sadieís past now and why it wasnít lonely or safe. We only got a brief glimpse of her life but after that it made me gagging for me and I hope we get to explore it more. I have a feeling it might be with Harry or Hermione as youíve set up this lovely tentative relationship between the two which I canít wait to see explore more.
The ending with the italicised section and Arthur and Mollyís conversation was very mysterious. I just donít know what to think there are so many possibilities and theories that I really donít know. I think with the mixture of perspectives in this chapter it really added to that feeling and what everyoneís thoughts were was a great addition.
A great chapter!
Author's Response: Hi Kiana!
First of all, I'm SO sorry it has taken me a month to reply to your amazing review. I'm a music teacher and ever Oct/Nov we put on a musical theater production, so the last little while I have been super busy. I'm trying to make up for it now though by catching up on everything I've missed.
Hehehehe, your lots of squealing comment made me grin. :)
Work on more description. I will try really, really hard to remember that. I'm afraid it doesn't always come naturally to me as I writing, which is sad. So I will have to write myself notes to remember to include it.
Yeah! Glad to know you liked the characterism in this chapter. Using people readers know so well makes me work really hard at that, so it's always nice to know when it's working.
And oh! I'd forgotten about that blog! I blog so seldomly, and then suddenly I blogged like 4 in a row. Weird. But yes, I do wonder why more people don't write the canon characters. They aren't REALLY that scary.
Ah, ellipses. I'm afraid they are my downfall. I try to catch when I use them and limit the number. But sometimes they just sneak through. I must be a very indecisive person, unable to finish my sentences with a complete thought. I will VERY much be working on this one. Thanks for reminding me.
And I'm really glad you liked the way I wrote Sadie meeting everyone. I figured it would be a little overwhelming for anyone, thrust into the midst of the rowdy Weasleys, but for someone who is shy and unable to speak, it would be expecially crazy.
Yup, they are going to learn sign language. And I will admit that Hermione was my sneaky plan to explain to readers who might know sign language that I really had thought this through and wasn't being random with my facts. :D Does that make me an evil author, using a character like that? hehehehe
As for Sadie's past, I promise each chapter will give a little more information, but I guess I'm evil because I like giving it out in bits and pieces.
I am so happy this chapter got you thinking and that you liked it! I will come back and re-request so you can find out more as soon as I can catch an open spot. I just didn't before because I hadn't been able to respond to this wonderful review!
Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions and reactions! They always make me smile.