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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey, Iím here with your requested review!

Iíve said it in nearly everything Iíve reviewed of yours but your description ♥ ♡ ♥ seriously that is how it makes me feel! It is, in my opinion, some of the best, if not the best, that is on HPFF! It is neither too much or too little, but adds to the scene and is written in such a magical way it makes me so jealous of your talents with it. Gah, I could just read a chapter of your description and not get bored!

Iím really liking your characterisation of Stephane by the way! Itís really fantastic how youíve created so many layers in him as I do sense some sort of goodness him which adds to the complexity of him being the Pied Piper and a relation to Slytherin but then thereís just this badness resonating out of him too and itís just perfect quite frankly. One thing that also works really well is how you always remember to include references to the Founders which acts as a really good basis and doesnít make this OC orientated.

The mixed up structure of the sections worked really well with the differing lengths adding to the suspense and mystery. Another key feature of why it worked well was the range of points of view too as it showed how much destruction the Pied Piper was going to cause and to who too. One minor thing I would suggest is lessen the gaps between the line breaks and the section of text. I know this happens a lot when editing so itís an easy mistake to make, but just doing that will make your writing clearer and easier to read :)

The procession of zombie-like children was horrifying! Seeing all of these people who Iíve gotten to know enter that trance was terrible and I just wanted to scream out or grab them or anything really. You wrote the Peverellís fear so well and the whole fear of the community too that I just have these terrifying images in my head now!

Here, ĎMssrs. Bermondsey, McDonald Ď I would perhaps just write it out in full as it would look better :)

Ah it all makes sense! Though itís the start of Hogwarts and these are their students I still canít help but be filled with a little revulsion about the means that they went to go and get them and how confused they are. I was a little surprised about how open the Founders were about the means that were used to get them as none of them seemed sorry that they took them from their parents but I have feeling more might be revealed.

The ending

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

You are so nice to me! *blushes* Thank you, I'm so glad you like my description and it's become such an important quality of this story. Knowing you enjoy it is really amazing to hear.

You're right, Stephane is neither good nor evil but sort of figuring out where he stands in the world. He is quite obedient to his father, but also follows his own selfish desires. I love how you said you can sense the badness radiating out of him, that is so fantastic. I agree, I think having it link to the Founders is becoming increasingly more important with situating the story in Harry Potter fan fiction and giving the story a little HP spin.

Those are very good points about the line breaks and the Mssrs., thank you for pointing them out!

I agree, it gives a disturbing undertone to how Hogwarts got started and takes away from the glory a little. I imagined that some of the Founders (Hufflepuff and Gryffindor, mainly) wanted Stephane to help the parents too, but he panicked and realized the only way he would act was to cast the spell on the children which didn't work on the parents. I think we'll see the other characters be upset and troubled by the fate of the adults and Hamlin in general in the next chapter, if all goes to plan! :)

Thank you for another amazing review! I really appreciate you leaving me these thoughtful reflections and opinions on the story, it's oh so lovely and helpful! :)


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