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Review:Rumpelstiltskin says:
There is so much information here, but you have managed to make it flow so perfectly. It is easily readable and understandable. Truthfully, I read it twice to confirm to myself that I had not missed out, but I believe I caught everything!

I love Ettie. You have done a great job with her character development.

This is one of my favorite parts here : "Chos dull eyes were suddenly sharp." This is a fantastic simple cue of the transition of Cho's moods. I found it quite brilliant.

In fact, some of the terms that you are using ("taut, crunch, sharp, popping, jolted, spluttering, floppy, etc.") are amazing descriptors. Not only are they very easy to understand, they create a vivid image of just what the subject are or what they are doing. You use very sharp sounding words and I cannot get enough of that.

I adore your deliberate mannered writing style. I find it quite genius, really.

I just wanted to point out my other favorite to you: "She nearly screamed...bald, with a slight curl." This is beautifully gruesome imagery and symbology!

I cannot wait to see more!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello Rumpel! First, thank you so much for such a wonderful and surprise review! I'm incredibly grateful and humbled that you've taken the time to read my new short story and leave such a lovely review! :)

Yes, there is a lot of information in this chapter, especially in the opening segment; I was worried about that, but I'm glad you didn't find it too overwhelming.

And I'm so relieved you found the characterisation alright! Marietta Edgecombe is probably not the easiest characters to sympathise with or like, but I really wanted to portray an unpopular and less-liked canon character and somehow Edgecombe just fit the bill.

Glad you like my descriptive language in this fic. Things are going to be fairly simple, description-wise, in this fic, but I do try to use words that are not too complicated that they'll disrupt the flow, but are vivid and clear. So I'm so glad you picked up on this; your comment absolutely made my day.

Well, thanks a whole two bunches for this wonderful review! I do hope you'll come back to read the rest and continue to enjoy :) The next chapter should be up soon!

-teh


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