Well wow... to be perfectly honest - and that pretty much sums up most of what my review is going to be about.
Cards are so evocative anyway in literature, so to use them as chapter titles and make them integral to your story is a very brave move and it pays off. The Black Family being like a house of cards that we know will begin to crumble. Also cards are synonymous with gambling, a naughty sexiness which you have already instilled into your characters.
I do love your characters in this piece. Obviously it's the first chapter, I'll have to read on to get a better sense (which I can't wait to do) but the canon characters are instantly recognizable and those who we don't yet know are already bubbling with potential. Very exciting prospects.
I love that you've studied the black family tree. I have too and it's the details you include that really bring the story to life. I love detailed orientated authors and it makes me excited to see what other details you have in store for us.
Your descriptions are, to be blunt, divine. My favourite is actually how you talk about the black family as 'one wand.' I thought that was such a powerful image. It sounds like it could be just a wizarding phrase so it doesn't come across as OTT or melodramatic but at the same time, to a muggle like me, you get the sense of a family with an unhealthy bond to each other, tied together. Truly exceptional and one of about a hundred examples I could have pulled out. Others include family of wolves with their hands bathed in the blood of their own, or the cane with like a fading heartbeat. I could list more but I've only got 6000 characters.
Sometimes a couple of the sentences were a little convoluted e.g. When Pollux nods and you continue he didn't need to say yes the nod was enough etc. It ran on just a little bit and such a simple bold gesture may have been better represented by simple, bold writing.
Another tiny thing is you say Sirius looked vaguely upset. For some reason the word vaguely slightly jarred with me.
Those are insanely picky thinks. But went 99.9% of the piece is perfection I can afford to be picky. Also those tiny details stand out more when everything is so remarkably strong.
I really want to impress upon you how amazing, intriguing, vivid and exciting your work is.
Author's Response: Hey there - thanks so much for dropping by! :) Sorry for replying so late, I've been really busy recently!
I didn't really choose them to be central to it, tbh - but then I can't honestly remember why I chose those chapter titles/overall title :P Thanks anyway! I'm glad you like them!
Haha, yeah, I did kinda study the family tree! It was surprisingly interesting... Ah, I was so worried about introducing so many new Black family characters and having to make them all different, so I'm so glad you like them all! And think they're all different!
Thank you so much! :D I tend to put in a lot of description, haha, so I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, I wanted to sort of include a few things which could be 'wizarding phrases' as opposed to our 'muggle' ones, since they wouldn't say the same things, so I'm happy you liked it as well.
Ooh, thanks so much for pointing those out! I know I tend to write a lot of long sentences, haha, so I'll have a look at it all again and see if I can sort some of them out, especially those two things you pointed out! :)
Gah, thank you so so much! I'm so glad you liked it and thank so much for the wonderful review and lovely compliments! This was such a great thing to receive! :) :)