I've said it before and I'll say it again - You're hilarious.
You're truly gifted at writing comedy but in a way that doesn't overshadow or complicate your plot. Your story is emerging wonderfully and you use your gift of comedy to play with tone's moods and contrasts. I really love it. Your jokes did however make me choke on my rhibenna so now all I can smell is blackcurrant. That aside, I'm loving your story.
I love how you bring in 'muggle' jokes. You use Dr Who and internet slang such as noob and ttyl to make jokes that really appeal to your target audience and I loved them. I do agree with some of your other reviewers that it doesn't fit in with the magical world JK Rowling created. She left out television and internet, I mean Ron couldn't even work a phone. This left me really torn because I don't want you to take them out, they are so very, very funny. Then it occurred to me, you're not writing in the world JK Rowling created, you're writing decades after the wizard who was so prejudice against 'mudbloods' was defeated. Perhaps you could include something in your story about how, after his defeat, wizards began to learn more about the muggle world and the internet. This would allow you to make your jokes that are so relevant and funny for you audience but also have your tale in keeping with the wizarding world. Does that make any sort of sense? If it doesn't throw something at me and tell me to be quiet.
I love Ellie, dearly, almost to a weird level. She's funny, she's cool, she's a great protagonist and I really can't wait to see how you take her forward. The fact we were introduced to her at such a young age in the first chapter allows us, as readers, to feel very connected to her. I also adore the family you've built around her with the Potters and the Weasleys. She's in such a loving environment which is beautiful to read and will no doubt give her the strength to do amazing things in the coming chapters, but you also tint it with tragedy. I just love how, despite losing her mother, she's not wrapped up in self-pity. Very realistic and very beautiful to read.
Love, love, love RAB. I have a crush now but shush. I do think it's unlikely she would have recognised him. I agree that HP would probably have told everyone about what he did, but for him to be so famous a generation after you know who was defeated seems unlikely, Perhaps she instantly recognises the name which is plausible or she mistakes him for a younger Sirius which makes him quite grumpy.
I love the foreshadowing going on and I can tell this is going to be a really exciting story.
Author's Response: Aww! Thank you so much! If the humour is coming through, I'm just so glad! And think about choking on rhibena this way: it could've been worse - Coke is the weirdest.
I did the muggle jokes on purpose. They're supposed to be a little discordant with the wizarding world. I like to think that whilst the community has modernised a little, it hasn't to the point that Ellie uses Muggle technology. I use it to highlight that she is different, and feels it quite a bit. There's a little bit of conflict as well, which I shall get into later. Perhaps I should work on making that a little clearer...
Ellie is so dorky in my head, so obviously, I'm really glad to see how well received she is. I like to think that she looks at life differently than those around her, which will be interesting to explore.
I have a teeny tiny crush on Regulus as well. Thanks for pointing that out! I'll see how I can fix it - your ideas have sparked something...
Thanks for dropping by! As usualy, this was such a wonderful review!