|Review:||Violet Gryfindor says:|
This is a lovely look at Lily's thoughts on the day of her wedding. At first, I thought the "fear" aspect of the story would have to do with the war, but it was a pleasant surprise to find that, instead, it was about the marriage. And Lily is right to fear it, not because she's so young, but because of what's going on around her. This wedding to James is as much an act of defiance against Voldemort as was Lily's last stand to save Harry - she's a Muggleborn marrying a pureblood, and it's a union of love, as you were careful to show. That moment between her and James was brief, but it left its impact on the story. James was so incredibly James in that scene - restless, ever willing to take risks, and once he makes a choice, he stays true to it. I love to see when authors can bring a character to life in just a couple of lines, and that's exactly what you did with James, keeping him perfectly to canon.
It was also a treat to see Lily with her parents. I don't know why, but they so rarely make appearances in stories about Lily, and it's kind of sad because Lily needs a positive force in her life, especially once Petunia and Snape both turn against her. They reminded me a little of Hermione's parents - very average (right down to the words they speak), yet caring, wanting their magical daughter to be happy. They don't pay attention to the magic, as Petunia always does, but rather to Lily as a person.
There were a couple of things in this story that do need smoothing out. For instance, the line "Lilyís mind drifted to the Voldemortís to recruit them to his side" has a word or two missing (did you mean "Voldemort's efforts"?). I'm also uncertain about the dialogue - James's proposal is rather wordy. If someone actually spoke like that, they'd be left breathless, yet James's actions and behaviour at that moment sounds very deliberate. Perhaps adding more narration/description there to break up that speech would make it clearer how he's speaking - does his voice shake? Is he nervous or excited? It would be great if that scene between Lily and James could be longer - it's an important moment, otherwise Lily wouldn't having that flashback. (Sorry, I'm a greedy reader. :P)
This portrayal of Lily as a whole is well-done, offering a snapshot of a moment one generally doesn't see in fanfiction. I look forward to seeing what you do with the other characters from this era!
Author's Response: This review is incredible. I'm really glad you liked the slight twist of not focusing on the war as her moment of fear. I'm kind of dying of squee - this was my first time trying to capture Lily and James and it makes me so happy to hear that I managed it!!
The Evans were a lot of fun to write. There's close to nothing about them so it was a bit liberating to mold them from nothing (well, taking what we can see from the output of their family). I kind of wish I could say I was intentional with Mrs. Evans focusing on Lily rather than her magic, but it is a lovely parallel to draw between how Petunia treats Lily versus the rest of her family. ^_^
Oh my gosh thank you for pointing out those mistakes. (I am the worse proofreader, ever, so having people kind enough to point that out is extremely helpful). I'll also take a look at chunking out James' proposal. When I wrote it I was a bit 'fingers to the keyboard' trying to get the idea out.
I should have the James chapter up soon (tonight/tomorrow). His chapter is flowing a lot better for me. I felt this one was a stretch to write. It means a lot to me to hear that it's well-done. Thank so much for this review. ^_^