Hi Isobel! Iím here with your review :D
Sorry I couldnít help but laugh at this line ĎOut of all of us, Lucy was the misfit.í Is Lucy secretly you? :P
The one major thing I did have an issue with was the length of time it took for me to find out who the narrator was. At first I thought it could have been Rose due to the multiple mentions of Albus and them being the same age, and then I just kind of sat there in confusion until you said towards the end of the first section Lilyís name. I mean, I really, really loved her narration as it was so much better than how Iíve usually seen it but if you just slip her name in a little earlier it would be excellent.
One thing that stood out to me was how varying peopleís reactions were to Hugo and Lucy being vampires and that was really great. I have this really vivid scene before me now, and even though itís not a topic I should really be laughing about I just canít help it because the characterisation of the people there was really fantastic.
The varying length of sections in this one-shot really added to it because it meant we got lots of perspectives of Lilyís life and made for an interesting read. I almost preferred the shorter ones because those quick snapshots really conveyed a lot.
The scene between Lily and Hugo was really heart-warming as I almost didnít think that they would see one another again. It also contained some great vampire-related description which added a lot to the scene! The only bad thing is that now itís got me all worried for Hugoís sake that Lucy will never forgive him and itís making me mentally run around in panic :P
I was about to mention the Cluedo and then I saw it in your AN which gave me a legitimate excuse to :P I really loved it (and it had nothing to do with my obsessive love for the gameÖ) as it fitted really well with the whole mystery and suspense theme of the story and it tied in well with the end and all of Lilyís possible theories about what she could do and reminded me of the crazy ones in Cluedo!
You asked whether this could stand alone or not, and I think Iím more towards the no side. At first it made sense even though the sudden news of them being vampires was a bit of shock I could still wrap my head around it, then Jeremiah appeared and as I donít know what Lily had told me it left me wondering what she could have said to cause all of that. The suspense was great though and it definitely left me intrigued so donít be surprised if you have several readers going off to read the Bite Club now though!
It was a really enjoyable read though even though reading the Bite Club would make it have a lot more sense as I would get the references about why Lily possibly caused the transformation. I hope this does help in some way though, Isobel! Also, if you spot any typos I apologise I need sleep desperately! ♥
Author's Response: Hi Kiana! I'm so sorry for the lateness of this response, I swear it'll never take this long again! Forgive me? ♥
Haha it's okay, and nope! I think I identify with Astoria the most out of all my characters; she's kind of a mixture of my personality and those of my family's. Lucy is... well, crazy, and /not/ good crazy. I think maybe I'd have identified with Lucy when we were both younger, before she started to lose the plot but in the end, we took different paths in life.
I do see your point -- I thought mentioning Albus would help hint at Lily's identity to the reader, since they're siblings, but I understand what you mean. I'll try to go back and fix that as soon as I can ^.^
Thank you! Don't worry, I laugh in situations where I shouldn't -- unintentionally, I swear, but I think it's my body's coping mechanism for situations when the proverbial excrement hits the fan. I'm glad you were able to picture the scene vividly, and that you enjoyed everyone's characterisations! I've always felt the Weasleys saw things differently -- look how each of them reacted to Percy leaving, or Fleur marrying Bill -- and as they married like-minded people, they brought their children up to react like them. I don't know what a large family's like, but I'm presuming that only very rarely would they all agree unanimously on a subject.
Woo!! I didn't want to make them all the same length because some situations could be explained easily while some needed a more complex description and I'm glad you liked the variety!
Hugo is very close to his family, so unlike Lucy, he was willing to face the consequences and the difficulty of telling his family that he's a vampire. While it was easier for Lucy to walk away as the misfit of the family, Hugo felt differently as he was closer to them. Haha don't run around in panic -- unknown to everyone but Lucy, she was the one who turned Hugo into a vampire. So she doesn't have a leg to stand on, really :P
Haha I love Cluedo, but I've only played it a handful of times -- everyone I know either doesn't like the game or doesn't know how to play it, unfortunately! I'm glad you felt it fitted in well -- it felt like fate really since Lily is a bit of a Miss Scarlett, Hugo is perceived as "saintly", Albus is a professor and Jeremiah has military history.
Haha thank you, I've now taken off the "can stand-alone" bit in the summary after your advice, and I really appreciate your feedback particularly as someone who hasn't yet read Bite Club!
Thank you so much for your review, Kiana! ♥