Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:patronus_charm says:
Sorry this review has taken aeons school has been horrible this week :( On a brighter note I’m really glad that I could be this story’s 100th review as I really love it!

I noticed that you spilt up your dialogue three and sometimes four times a lot which makes reading often a lot harder and more complicated than it needs to be. Often, the dialogue does not require a description or thought after it like you put in so perhaps revise it and try and limit it to one break off to make it clearer and easier. It will convey what you’re trying to say in a much better way.

On a brighter note in regards to dialogue, I see that you’ve paid attention to the advice I gave you with there being very few mistakes in this chapter. It made me so happy because that simple thing brought it to another level. One quick read through should eliminate it in the other places.

Small typo here ‘Tonks petted me absentmindedly as she talked occasionally ruffling my fir’ I think you mean fur. :)

I’m not sure exactly what effect the wolfsbane had on Remus, but I would make his senses a little more obscured because I think I remember him saying it allowed him to curl up under his desk and I think it said sleep too. So perhaps make him a little more docile and placid. However, the thoughts about Tonks were adorable and had me gushing away a lot.

The bit with Kingsley asking Remus whether he and Tonks were dating had me cracking up so much! I thought you handled his character really well and Remus’s reaction was also spot-on. In fact, I ought to have said earlier that I think your grasp on this canon characters is really excellent and you manipulate them in ways just as JK did.

Here ‘“Have fun last night?” Sirius asked peevishly ‘ it should be had fun :)

Ahahaha! Remus is Tonk’s fake boyfriend? This made me way too happy and I can’t wait to see all the drama which ensues from that. I really loved her meek little ways – it was so adorable. My only wish is that I could see her and Remus interact more with more dialogue as opposed to description as that would be perfect then!

The ending ♥ It was just wonderful. I almost thought they were going to kiss then and for my hopes to be dashed. It was a lovely speech from Tonks though and it made me all warm and gushy. This was an excellent chapter with only a few minor things to improve. Feel free to re-request!


Author's Response: ooh, thank you for being 100. ^_^ No worries about taking time to review especially with your busy schedule.

I'll take a look at the dialogue/description distribution. It was a bit of challenge writing a chapter where most of it was when Remus couldn't talk. I am glad you noticed a the dialogue punctuation changes I made. I'll be sure to do a quick check again to catch the remaining ones.

I think the books say it let him "keep his mind". I meant it to read like his aggressiveness was a choice to turn Tonks away rather than a loss of control of the wolf taking over. I'll look at that part and poke at it a bit too. ^_^

It makes me really happy that you liked Kingsley and Remus' conversation. Kingsley has a bit more of a role in later chapters. I imagine he had quite an interesting insight to Remus and Tonks' relationship being in the Order and Tonks' boss.

Oh I'm so glad the fake boyfriend thing works. I wanted to push them together and make Remus open up a bit. They do interact more next chapter. I'll see if I can add more here though.

It means a lot to me that you think my characterizations are really good. ^_^ You kind of made my evening actually.

I liked yanking away the kiss at the end (or the more that was being hinted at). I'll be sure to re-request.


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 691
Submit Report: