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Review:shez says:
You have a very deliberate writing style and you seem to know what you're doing with it all, so I don't think I need to tell you--as you probably know--you're a VERY good writer. Descriptions are sparse and concise and ideal with the action-y pacing and comedic undertones. Ellie is (fantastically) well-developed and your first person perspective really embodies her wry-adolescent-wittiness and makes her a compelling character to read. The amount of work you've put into this chapter really shows and yes, the way you ended it leaves me INCREDIBLY curious for what's to happen. You mentioned the romance element and while I'm not privy to how Albus/OC usually plays out, I do feel Albus is a bit one dimensional right now. The hate-love banter, best-friends-with-her-brother thing is clichéd, but I think that's what you were going for. Maybe you're trolling you readers, hahah. The flirting was a bit transparent in this chapter and...Idk if that's what you were going for or not. It is strong. The scene doesn't really do it for me, but still--I think readers will like it. I'm not the best judge of romance, I'm afraid. Sorry! Moreso, I'm interested about how the Four Founders are going to play into this. Fantastic start and I think you've covered all the bases. feel free to re-request!

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to review!

Aww! Thanks for saying so, although I know I have ages to go in terms of improvement. I'm nowhere near as good as I'd like to be.

So descriptions were okay for you? Little descriptions suit my style better, but I know a lot of people want them, so I'm always really confused about them. Thanks for that!

I'm glad you like Ellie! I like her, and I want my readers to like her, despite, or perhaps because of her flaws. Things begin to pick up in chapter four (once I get it written to my satisfaction) so there's definitely more plot to look forward to!

Albus is SO one dimensional right now, it makes me feel like crying, although I'm hoping to develop him slowly, rather than what I did with Ellie, so that the readers get to know him at the same time as Ellie. Thank you for your feedback on the cliche'd aspects! I'll keep them in mind!

As I said, definitely more plot to come! Thanks for dropping in!


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