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Review:BLONDEbehaviour says:
Hi Kiana! Hope your doing well :)

This is a really good chapter! I found it full of adventure and lots of mystery at the end (whaaat happened?! O.o) So can't wait to see where you go with this, very intriguing!

In regards to the flow of the chapter, I do believe that there are parts where it feels a little rushed. When Lorcan and Scorpius are talking and Dalia and Rashidi speak up I get a bit lost there, perhaps incorporate more in there to divide up the dialogue a bit more? As I had to re-read it a couple of times to fully understand what was going on and who was talking.

Also, the other area was before Scorpius finds the shack/house. I was able to follow it, but only vaguely. It may be the environment I am in currently (I'm at my uni cafe, its a bit busy around me) but that is the feeling I have. I might re-read it in a more calm environment and see if it makes a difference. If it does I'll let you know! :P

But in regards to the multiple voices as a whole, that wasn't a problem. For the majority of the time I was able to follow all the dialogues fine :)

One thing I have to compliment on was your impressive description! It truly is amazing, you do a great job, and the visual imagery I can get from it really works, especially since the scenes you are trying to depict out in the desert can be hard for some who do not know what the desert is like (i.e me, :P)

All in all though, I really enjoyed your chapter! I love your writing, it really is so good. And I think the flow can be easily fixed, so I wouldn't be too concerned with that part :)

Grace :D

Author's Response: Hey Grace! I'm not too great as I have a horrible cold but this reviewed cheered me up a lot! Haha, I'll make sure to re-request so the suspense doesn't keep you hanging :P

Thank you so much for pointing out those sections. Re-reading them over I found that they were too dialoguely (not a word but it makes sense in my head :P) so I've already gone back and edited in some more description and thought to try and even those areas out. Let's just hope the crazy environment you were in contributed to the confusion :P

That's so great about the multiple voices though, as they continue to be in the rest of the story and I would hate for them not to work.

Thanks again for the lovely compliments on the description. From someone who used to not include any this just means so much to me!

Thank you for much for this really helpful and wonderful review! ♥


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