|Review:||Elphaba and Boyfriends says:|
Hi, Elphaba here (at long last, sorry for the delay) with your requested review!
Lexi is a really complex character, and I like that a lot! I have a couple of suggestions, but first I have a couple of notes on quidditch.
First, while one of the movies mentions that James Potter played seeker, Rowling had said in at least one interview that he was a chaser, and that's what most people accept as canon. The other thing is the dirty play that you mention during their game. "...Aiming the bludger at players who weren't playing, such as our keeper and our seeker, they hit the ruddy balls when we had our backs turned ... one of our chasers, was lucky to keep her skull intact as she dipped when the other Gryffindor beater ... narrowly missed her with his bat." - I don't think aiming the bludgers at the seeker and keeper is dirty play (from the descriptions in the books it seems pretty normal) but aiming the bat at someone's head definitely would be. Other dirty tactics could include grabbing other players, interfering with other players' brooms, and using wands against opponents.
I like that Lexi has an attitude, but while I sympathize with her and can understand her anger, she is so mean to Lily! If she continues to slap and call Lily names (after she tried to help her) then I can imagine readers losing sympathy for her.
The last critique I have with this chapter is that I am troubled by Dumbledore letting Amos Diggory go unpunished for punching Lexi. Sure, there were scuffles that went unpunished in the books, but only when they went unwitnessed by the professors. It seems clear that Amos's unprovoked attack was reported to Dumbledore, and it seems off for him to refer to it as a "mishap." It also seems off for him to gently remind Amos to keep his distance from Lexi. While Dumbledore always had a lot of tolerance for the kinds of fights that Harry as Draco got into (and even they got detentions) this situation is different and I think his reaction would be stronger.
All that said, I am curious to know what will happen next. How will the characters react to Lexi slapping Lily? Will Amos leave Lexi alone? What will convince Sirius to pursue her? I'm also curious to learn more about Lexi's history, and about what happened to her father and sister. There's definitely a lot going on with her, and I appreciate that you've developed her so thoroughly!
Author's Response: Hi!
Okay, where to start...
The James thing is actually explained in a later chapter. I completely know all about James being a chaser, but I wanted to incorporate the snitch thing from Snape's Worst Memory, so hopefully, if you ever read that chapter and review it, you'll understand.
The beaters thing is actually true for the keeper part. I own 'Quidditch Through The Ages' and one part stuck. I'm taking this from a Wikipedia article, but basically:
"Bumphing: Beaters must not hit Bludgers toward spectators, or the Keeper, unless the Quaffle is within the scoring area (in the first film, however, Marcus Flint, a Chaser, commits this foul with a Beater's bat, and Madam Hooch does not penalise him for it)."
The seeker thing I'll redo.
The Lily thing is something that will come into play a little later on. Basically, I was tired of everyone thinking Lily had no faults other than being friends with Snape and in my fanfic, she's a little gossipy.
The Dumbledore thing, I'm working on. My weakest thingy in this whole bubble of weak thingies. It's just... weak and... gah! It's my horrible writing at work.
And yay! I developed Lexi well! Double yay!