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Review:Lululuna says:
Hello! :) You requested a review from me a little while ago, and I've been so shamefully busy! But I'm here now, and hope you enjoy my thoughts on this wonderful first chapter of yours!

First, somehow i had no idea this was going to be a Remus/Tonks until the third paragraph. It was such a WHAT?! moment, but I'd already begun to form an attachment to the narrator's voice and finding out he was Remus made him even more appealing.

The paragraph beginning "I wish I could say I was debonair..." was perfect. I think you really got the feeling of Remus into it, what with his self-deprecation and shyness, his awkwardness and also his adorable and very obvious fascination with Tonks. His almost-formal and well-educated language fits well with how he speaks in the books. I also really like your Tonks, she seems in character what with her goofiness and kindness. It makes perfect sense that she would make a move and kiss Remus first, the poor guy would never get out of his own head if she hadn't done that!

I think on of your strengths in this chapter is dialogue. You write each character's speech diversely and very well, and they fit well with canon.

You've done well at capturing the point in time which this takes place in the books, with Sirius being bitterly cooped up and Lupin and Sirius still getting used to the fact that they finally have Harry back. Remus telling Tonks proudly about Harry was so sweet, and I liked how he appreciated that she cared about him as a kid, not as the chosen one.

In terms of CC, I felt like some parts of the chapter seemed a bit rushed, but it is an introduction and certainly got the action rolling. There were a couple phrases, like "Tonks was aroused" and when she kisses him "sensually," which felt a little awkward and disrupted the flow in my opinion. Feel free to ignore these, I just feel a bit useless if I don't offer at least a little bit of advice! :)

Oh poor, silly Remus. "It was just a friendly gesture, much like a handshake." Tonks definitely has her work cut out for him, and I'm curious to see how you'll explore that in future chapters. Their relationship isn't very detailed in the HP books, so stories like this that fill in the blanks in such creative and brilliantly-written ways are such a joy to read.

Thank you for requesting this gem, and I hope you liked this review and will re-request! :)

Author's Response: Hi!!! There's no need to apologize for a busy schedule. This was a treat to get (I do a bad job keeping track of requests I've made). ^_^

I hope it being a Remus/Tonks isn't bad - I remember your thread said you were a tad tired of Marauder fics. I am thrilled that his voice as a narrator drew you in.

Aww, yeah, Remus shows a lot of self-deprecation in this story. It really made me happy that Remus' dialogue worked well and sounded in character. I'm so glad you liked their kiss - I've had such mixed reviews on it.

There's a lot of Sirius being bitter about his stay in Grimmauld place. I try to vary it throughout the story where he goes from bitter to okay, to annoying Remus because he's bored. Remus and Sirius do kind of act like parents to Harry. They're fun to write.

Uh… yeah, Remus does tell himself a lot of things to convince himself that he and Tonks aren't a good fit.


Thank you so much for the CC! I'll look to see where it's a bit rushed or choppy. Your review was absolutely amazing!!!


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