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Review:academica says:
Hey, here at last with your requested review :)

I actually thought you did a great job for your first try at writing. I was especially impressed with your action writing - it's hard for me to stay in that moment and really describe what's going on, especially in the heat of so much violence and fear, but you stayed right there with it and carried the scene through to its conclusion. You also did well with clearly showing how cruel the Death Eaters are, especially by setting up the contrast with Neville, Luna, and Ginny in that conflict.

One thing I would suggest to improve this even further is to check into getting a beta. I did see a number of typos and punctuation errors, as well as some awkward phrasing, and a Quick Beta from the forums could help you smooth that out. Doing so would probably improve the flow here.

I also really liked the detail at the end of the chapter, with the bloodstains and the earring. You can definitely see the more powerful Neville from DH being birthed in this moment. You did a really nice job with characterization and imagery throughout the piece, but I thought that ending was particularly powerful.

I think I've hit all the major points - good work. I hope this review is helpful to you!

-Amanda

Author's Response: HI, thanks so much for your review!

You're too kind :D

I'm looking in to getting a beta, hopefully they'll get back to me.


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