Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:BLONDEbehaviour says:
Hi hi! I'm sorry it has taken me so to get this review done. Real life has been so hectic!

I really liked this chapter! Sirius is one of my fave characters so I love that you had written it from his p.o.v. Really cool.

These bet's sounds interesting, and he has to get Alexander to sleep with him three times! And he had already tried! Wow, can't wait to see what fiasco's this entails, along with the other marauder's bets! Can James finally bag Lily!! Ooo intrigue!

I liked the flow of this chapter as well. I flowed well and the plot wasn't too heavy, the information and dialogue worked good together :)

Just have a few CC's for ya :)

With Sirius and his P.O.V, I can see him being conceited yet, but in the first third or so I think you may have portrayed him a little bit to conceited. There's a just a few sentences that could be removed or altered to make him sound a bit less "I only love myself, myself and oh, myself".

Also, there are a few places where you put, "i thought" Probably not needed because it is from his first person narration. We know that it is his thoughts, and no-one elses :)

Apart from that, nothing else out of order! Just be sure to check you spelling and grammar, as i saw a few mistakes, but sorting that with a quick beta won't be a problem.

I really enjoyed this once again! Can't wait to see what happens next :)

Grace

Author's Response: Hey!
By the way, I totally get the life thing. I've been horribly sick for a few days.
As for the marauder bets, I didn't want it to be something like 'Oh I bet you can't get the nerdiest girl in our grade to go out with you' because that's been done, but more like an annual (of monthly) thing for them.
Yay, I have good flow and info!
For the CCs:
I will work on Sirius's conceitedness level, definitely.
The 'I thought' I will try and pinpoint when I run through this again, so thanks for bringing that up.
The beta is still a work in progress.
But thanks! I'll be sure to rerequest ASAIC (as soon as I can).
Thanks!
MT :)


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 719
Submit Report: