Hello, Iím here with your requested review!
I thought you wrote Minerva and Albusís friendship really well. It was just like how they appeared together in the books and gave me a ton of warm and fuzzy feelings. I think the thing which really worked was how they almost seemed to have telepathic way of communicating with one another which showed the true mark of their relationship.
With this line ĎBest to stick to the dry facts. Ď the narrator of it seems unclear as thereís no thought or mused or whatever after, so perhaps if you put it after something like that it would make it clearer.
One tiny thing. I found that you described Minerva as sighing a lot in the first section. While that suited how she was feeling, you might what to mix it up a little with how you describe the feeling. Maybe her face creased in a frown or she wringed her fingers. It would just make it a little more varied and interesting, thatís all. :)
The tender moments such as Minerva describing the state Sadie was found in and her reaction to James and Lily was really heart-warming. I thought you caught her wearied state and how she was almost a little mentally unstable from everything sheíd gone through really well, and it will be interesting to see the progression from that state.
Albusís wisdom in this chapter was really great and added to his character in a brilliant way. The way he talked about the way evil acted and why Sadie was so talented in regards to defeating the Dark Arts was really interesting for me and drew me in really well. I donít often find that with peopleís characterisation of him, so kudos for you for making me feel like that.
Sadieís inner thoughts at the beginning of her section were really great. The way she just seemed so awe in having new, clean clothes really fitted with how I thought she would be. Then her thoughts about McGonagall and Dumbledore were simply heart-warming.
Here, Ď*Iím afraid,* her hands confessed suddenly, shaking as she formed the words. *I canít do this.*í I think you meant to use speech marks instead :)
I thought this was a great chapter, and feel free to re-request again!
Author's Response: Hi Kiana!
So sorry I'm slow responding to your review! I got plowed under by real life, and then when I planned to sit down Friday night and respond to all of these, the site caught a bug and wouldn't let me. Typical luck.
Warm and fuzzy feelings! Yeah! That gives ME warm and fuzzy feelings. I love the friendship between the two, but I have to admit it was a little difficult when I was actually writing it to make it turn out how I wanted it to. So glad you thought it worked.
Sorry about the unclear sentence. The whole scene is supposed to be from Minerva's POV, so I suppose I just assumed it would be easy to tell it was her thinking it. My bad. I should learn not to assume things, LOL.
And thank you the note on mixing things up. I do try to pay attention to things like over using words and phrases in the same chapter or scene, but after you read something a million times, sometimes you are blinded to them.
Thank you! I do like to show that Minerva (and others) can be tender and have feelings and those moments you mention were consciously put in there. In my head canon, Minerva was good friends with Sadie's parents, and very fond of James and Lily as well, and so it's natural it would be hard to deliver such news, and even harder to see their daughter in such a state.
Sadie has been through a lot, and I think Minerva IS worried how that is going to affect her.
Dumbledore is hard! He's so wise, and yet he sometimes acts more childish than the kids around him... It makes me really happy for you to think I pulled him off effectively. Thanks!
I don't know why, but for some reason Sadie's story is in my head and needs to get out. More than any other fanfiction story I've ever written before. That's probably not all a good thing, because it will blind me to her faults as a character - but it does sometimes let me feel her emotions better. That part you just commented on is one of those times. I just knew she had to be feeling so overwhelmed, but also so in awe. Glad you liked it.
Ah, Sadie's words. I have absolutely no backing for this in any grammar guideline or rule book...but I have made the decision to put Sadie's "talking" between *marks* instead of "marks" to remind people that she is signing instead of speaking out lout. I have an author's note prepared where I mention her signs and how I'm representing them, I just haven't put it up yet because so far she hasn't signed enough for it to really be needed. Maybe I should stick that on the next chapter. And I do hope it won't bother you too much having unconventional markings for dialogue.
Thanks so much! Off to re-request again.