Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:SunnyWitch says:
Hey there! I'm reviewing all entries for the Names and No Faces challenge.

Okay, honestly, I can't find much wrong with this! As PQ said in her review, there really isn't much to nit-pick. I did notice that a couple of times you didn't use a capital letter for 'Transfiguration' but that's not a big deal at all. In the fourth paragraph, it did strike me that the 'and' at the beginning of the last sentence was slightly unnecessary. It still made sense, but it would've made sense without it.

I like how you have the occasional word in italics - to me that just emphasises Lily's character, especially stressed out as she is. Lily always struck me as a Hermione-like personality, so the stressing and over-preparing for end-of-year exams fits right in with that.

Lily has such a strong voice in this. You can hear it all the way through.

There were a few mistakes with the dialogue. You sometimes has a full-stop instead of what should have been a comma. For example: 'Don't be so pessimistic, Alison.' Lily scolded, even though she thought Alison's statement could very well be true.
Instead this should be: 'Don't be so pessimistic, Alison,' Lily scolded, even though she thought Alison's statement could very well be true.

I also agree with PQ that the tutoring line could be a very interesting lead-in to their relationship. Can't wait to read more!

Cheers, SW.

Author's Response: Hi SunnyWitch, thank you for the review :)

I'm glad you found The characterisation of Lily to be fitting. I've always thought of her to be a bit Hermione-ish too. I'm not sure Lily is over-preparing for her exams here though, she really is struggling with Transfiguration ;) she can't be good at everything, right?

Thank you for pointing those bits out, I shall go over it and change those things. I'm never quite sure about dialogue punctuation so I really appreciate you pointing that out :) Also, I totally agree about that last line, the 'and' really is not necessary so I shall get rid of it!

I'm glad you think the tutoring plot line could be interesting. I think you may be surprised by how the tutoring sessions go, I hope so anyway ;) I'm pleased you're looking forward to reading more, am hoping to have the next chapter up soon!

Thanks again for the great review, it was very helpful :)

Haronione ♥

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 702
Submit Report: