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Review:toomanycurls says:
I really like your introduction of Ellie and her gift. I got a good sense of her character within the first (just guessing) 1000 words. You wrote this with a very clear and distinct narrative voice - I loved it. The chapter showed a lot of subtle and dry humor (not to mention great dead-pan comedic timing).

I was surprised that Ellie wasn't slightly more freaked out about seeing dead people. Being sad that her twin wouldn't share in that experience conveyed a great level of sadness and really summed up the closeness of being a twin.

The 12 year jump ahead work really well. It might be helpful to add a few extra line breaks when the story jumps like that.

The way you wrote about their mum's death carried the same level of lighthearted narrative yet touched on the natural grief that I'd expect to see. The way Ellie thinks of her dad floating away is poetic. I can understand her fear that Chris might do the same.

I kind of love that their dad studies literature. I'd almost love him if he spoke to her in Spanish (but if follows that he'd speak French given his wife's background and name).

I love that Albus Potter is Chris' BFF. Ellie's "oh yeah" about the Potters being their neighbors was hilarious. Again, it shows Ellie's humor (which I really like!)

It's cute that Albus is curious as to why Ellie doesn't like him. I'm curious about it too for that matter.

The dry humor in this really is fantastic - "99 problems" was a great homage to Cee Lo Green.

Really, don't they lock their doors? :P I really like how you've written Rose Weasley. She's a good counterpart for Ellie. I loved your poke at teenage vampire romances. LOVED. ^_^

The conversation between Madame Cassandra and Ellie was great. It had some very well done foreshadowing about her having a love as well as a sense of destiny about her.

Ooh, Rose knows about her gift? I'm glad she didn't keep it as a huge, dark secret. ^_^

Oh hey, I've re-edited stories and picked them up after years too. It's a pain to tackle that. I think you did a great job weaving your new and old content together - just because you have a very consistent style throughout the chapter. I hope my gushing/reactions/commentary was helpful!!

Author's Response: Heya! I'm sorry for my response being so late, especially as you replied practically straight away!

Thank you so much! I really wanted Ellie to be the kind of character that you could imagine actually existing, despite all her quirks. I'm so happy to hear that she comes across as well-defined so early on in the story!

I didn't have her being freaked out because she was so young and didn't fully grasp what was going on. I tried to convey her discomfort with her "gift" through her fear of rejection from her brother, though.

A line break is a good idea! I shall have to look into that...

Loss and grief are such natural parts of our lives, and I really wanted it to seem that way. And her dad probably does speak Spanish, but just not to his kids, I suppose!

WE ARE ALL CURIOUS AS TO WHY ELLIE DISLIKES ALBUS SO! I plan to explore that later on. And they are so bad with door locking!

Rose doesn't know about her gift, actually - no one does. It's another aspect that is explored more.

Thanks so much for this! It's quite possible that you made my Saturday!


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