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Review:writeyourheartout says:
Hi Leslie! I've come to review your story! Yay! ^.^

First off, I just have to say that this was so lovely. It was simple and sweet and just a very nice read.

One thing I loved was the way you wrote Victoire and Teddy, both as individuals and their relationship with one another. You captured their young, childhood innocence perfectly. I usually cringe when I read stories that have young kids being cute together, because the dialogue is usually just so... cringe-worthy! Ugh! hahaha I don't know how else to say it! It's usually far too corny and a bit annoying, honestly! And I understand that the author is trying to make the kids seem either young or a bit more mature for their age, but a lot of the times the kids either seem too young or too old or I just hate them so much for a million other reasons! LOL My actual point here being that I think you've done a wonderful job at capturing their age and their freedom and their innocence without being unrealistic or corny or even slightly cringe-worthy! I don't remember the last time I felt that way after reading young children in a fanfic! So thank you! You've restored my faith in stories with children! hehehe

The overall idea of the story was really wonderful as well. It's simple and straightforward, but I think almost anyone could read this and relate to both the childhood fantasies and the growing up and away from that part of themselves; trying to balance the past and the future. It made me very nostalgic, which is a great feeling for an author to evoke in their reader! Kudos!

All of that said, however, there were a few grammatical things here and there that I thought I'd share!

""I've got him!" shouted Teddy, brandishing a small branch; (comma, not semicolon) which was really a magnificent, gleaming silver sword with jewels encrusted on the handle." - This sentence is a bit wonky, mostly because of your use of the word 'really' when describing the sword. Because, 'really' - as in 'in actuality' - it IS a branch, not a sword. I think it would read smoother and make more sense if it said something like "shouted Teddy, brandishing a truly magnificent, gleaming silver sword with jewels encrusted on the handle, which in actuality was just a small branch." You could also try taking out the 'really' and replacing it instead with something like 'which to Teddy and Victoire was playing the role of a magnificent, gleaming...' etc. Does that make sense? I still understand the meaning you're trying to convey, it's just sort of awkwardly phrased because it's saying the opposite of what's actually real versus what's imaginary.

"Then the music they would dance to *was (would be, not was) only that of classics, (semicolon, not comma) those of which would have put Teddy to sleep if he had not been twirling Victoire *around in circles and moving her *around (through, not around, so it doesn't repeat) the grass beneath their feet, which was really marbled tile flooring." - This sentence does the same sort of thing as the last, in which you say the tile floors are what's real and the grass is what's fake, when it's actually the other way around. I know it's meant to be real in their imaginations, so it's sort of justified, but both sentences just sounded a bit wonky to me, so I had to at least point them both out! Obviously feel free to ignore me completely! ^.^

"The blue, cloudless sky (that) stretched far above their tiny figures *was a (replace 'was a' with 'would transform into a') ceiling with an extragravant (Sp: extravagant) chandelier in the centre. All around them walls enclosed them in the grand ballroom as they danced beneath the sun with laughter in their eyes and joy in their hearts." - Love the end of this second sentence, but the beginning of it with the two 'them's sounds a bit repetitive. Maybe try something instead like "Gorgeous, towering walls enclosed them on all sides in the imaginary ballroom..."

One question I did have was about the Muggle fairytale reference (which I really liked, by the way!). So, if Fleur's mother was half-Veela/half-witch and her dad was a wizard (I think?), how does she know Muggle fairytale's at all? Not that it's impossible, of course, but I think considering Fleur's background, maybe you should have added a line about why Fleur knew Muggle fairytale's in the first place, seeing as she's the one telling the stories to Victoire. Certainly not a deal-breaker, but it did strike me as curious! :-p

There were a few other small things here and there, but honestly, the story overall was just so lovely that the little errors hardly took away from it. :)

The ending is so very bittersweet! And very relateable. I think everyone has a hard time growing up without feeling nostalgic, longing for what once was. Part of me wanted to say that just because she's graduated Hogwarts doesn't mean she has to suddenly jump into full-blown adulthood! But then I think of myself after all the big moments in my life and how each time I said something along the lines of 'Now it's time to be this new and improved version of me!' We have these naive ideas that just because we've finally graduated high school or have finally stopped being a teenager or whatever else, that from here on out we will be more of this and less of that, like we can just leave who we are fundamentally behind simply because we've surpassed a big moment in our life. And maybe you can go for a little while believing that you've taken a huge step forward, but only time and the wisdom gained from that time will teach you that who you were in your past is part of you forever; that being an adult doesn't mean you have to give up the fantasies; that there is a way to grow up without losing yourself. I like to think that Victoire will grow to learn the same thing.

So basically I really, very much so enjoyed this. Just a very sweet, nostalgic, and innocent story. Great job, Leslie! ^.^

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