*bangs head on keyboard*
Wow. I never knew my stupidity could ever be this great. The moment you said, Daphne reached over I was like, "Oh. Okay, Tor...Astoria, okay, cool." AND THEN IT WAS TOR YAXLEY AND NOW I FEEL STUPID FOR MAKING GUESSES.
And then I went through some of the reviews on this chapter and was happy that I was right anyway :D So now I feel smart again!
This chapter was great also. You certainly did make some familiar names crop up again and also tried to balance it out so you could support your own plot by adding in some OCs... which was interesting. I can't wait to see how they all play a part in this.
Draco. Draco Draco Malfoy... I feel like this is going to be one of those stories where I will hate him.It was heart breaking, reading that bit on poor Pyxis. UGH. She probably has the biggest crush on him.. *sigh*
I really liked the hints you were giving about Theo. I don't know whether I'm sensing friendship between him and Tor... or maybe something more. But seeing the summary it'd probably be wise for me not to think that...
I can't really offer a whole bit of CC, but, I felt this sentence a bit awkward. Don't change it if you don't want to do, I kind of did a little cringe at it.
She is referring to the return of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The Dark Lord. Lord... I dare not even think the name in case it draws his attention.
I found it weird because I felt like it was a bit unnatural for someone's thoughts to be phrased that way, if that makes sense to you. It sounded a bit, er - "old" for a lack of a better word, but that's just my two pennies :)
Also.. how on earth is this your first fanfiction? I refuse to believe it. LIES. Haha, but seriously, if this is your first time, I'm so jealous. I've read The Wandering One though and compared to that I can see your writing's also really improved.
Your descriptions continue to be out of this world, even if I've only reached the second chapter. They are so vivid!
Anyway - Tor's "hate" (if we could call it that) for Malfoy is very interesting, because we know she ends up with him... or will she? So many questions.
As a writer, I think you're doing fabulous! Your writing truly is clever! Next chapter here I come!
Author's Response: Hi again! :)
Haha! Honestly the whole Tor Yaxley thing has been confusing for everyone, it gets cleared up slightly in Chapter... 5, I think? I should probably figure out a way to make this chapter clearer. She is Astoria, she just goes by her mother's last name at school! :)
I'm glad you're liking the other characters so far, and well as for Draco he gets a bit better as the story goes on, though writing mean and obnoxious Malfoy is a lot of fun.
And yes, as I know you've realized, Pyxis is a boy, and definitely not pining over Malfoy! :P
Okay, I'll be sure to go back and have a look at that sentence! :)
Honestly these early chapters make me cringe a little, so I'm glad you think I've improved from that! I'm always relieved/surprised when people actually keep reading the story past these first few chapters, haha. So thanks for giving it a chance! :)
Thank you so much for reviewing! :D