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Review:toomanycurls says:
Flow-wise, I think you have perfect paragraph lengths. My eyes start to wander around the page if paragraphs are too long - yours are long enough to not be painfully short but not so long I'm tempted to skim and move on.

You mentioned being out of FF for a year - It's probably worth mentioning then that Pottermore did a huge "every fact about Lupin" dealio. His dad's name is Lyall. I thought his name was John for a long time and, well, it's kind of a small thing. ^_^

I did feel quite tense during John's interactions with Fenrir. Partly because I know what's coming and that makes me scared for the family. It does intrigue me that Fenrir wanted to be part of the trial that John is conducting especially given his stance on werewolves later in life. I love how John knows that Fenrir is violent and unstable but stands up to him.

My heart melted a little when he was thinking through his feelings for Remus and fatherhood.

At the end of the chapter, I did feel uneasy about Fenrir's comments about the photo, knowing that he'll bite Remus and that picture gave him his target, but there could be a bit more about him possibly hinting at his intentions. Even a "looks delicious" or something creepy. There could be more alluding. This chapter did leave me wanting to see what happens next.

I really liked this chapter and I really, really like Sirius/Remus fics. Please let me know when you update again!!

Author's Response: Hi toomanycurls! Thank you so much for this review!!! It's exactly what I needed! ^.^

Phew! I can't even tell you how relieved I am to hear that the flow is working out! I was very, very paranoid about posting this and it's so reassuring to be told it's not a giant mess of absolute horror! LOL

OMG! REALLY? That's so funny and awesome! I had NO idea! I sort of fell away from Pottermore a few months after it started running, but I'm gonna have to brush up on my canon facts now that you've mentioned an article about Remus' dad! Lyall! I love it! I'm definitely going to have to update this chapter to match the new information. Thank you so much for sharing it with me! :)

Oh, good! I was hoping that readers would connect Fenrir and John-soon-to-be-Lyall's interactions and how this was meant to be the occurrence that sets off Fenrir's revenge! And I'm glad you liked that John/Lyall tries to be supportive of Fenrir - I love Remus and I think he's such a kind-hearted person and I really like to believe that he gets it from his father, so I wanted John/Lyall to be a good role-model. I'm glad it seemed fitting!

Awww, I love a good heart-melting moment. ^.^ So nice to hear! Thank you!

Great again that the ending stirs up some uneasiness based solely on what we know happens later in Remus' life! I know that I don't want Fenrir to be too obvious about the fact that he's formulating the idea to attack Remus in order to get back at John/Lyall, because I think John/Lyall would pick up on it if it was too much more obvious, but I think I'll try to play around with something sort of in between what I have and what you've suggested! I really appreciate the idea, so thank you for it!

Woot! I love hearing that people want to come back for more! I will absolutely keep you informed on this fic's updates! Thank you so much for the incredibly kind review and for taking the time to write it! ^.^


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