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Review:patronus_charm says:
I really loved how you introduced the chapter with song related to the Pied Piper; it gave it a really great setting. ♥

Marigoldís thoughts about Death were perfect! They were so time appropriate with her thinking of this almost figure like thing taking them away. If youíve read the Book Thief Death reminded me of how its portrayed in that. I thought that scene though was just really lovely and had the perfect mixture of deep thoughts, fear, sorrow and intrigue.

I noticed a tiny error here Ď"Have you had no luck with the mayor, then?" She asksí the s of she should be lowercase as itís a dialogue tag and therefore connected to the speech and by having it lowercase shows that. Also the same again here Ď"How are you doing this?" She demands in wonder. Ď

Again, I really liked how you tied lots of historical things into this chapter as it just worked so well. With the crucifix and the mayor being together it showed just how powerful the Church and belief in God was back then and it was interesting to compare that to modern day. I liked how you made the mayorís son a little disfigured as it showed the complexity of beauty and power in those times which is rarely explored but a wonderful new layer to the story.

In terms of dialogue versus description I would have liked a little more at times. Donít get me wrong, I love your description but at certain points such as explaining peopleís relationships dialogue is sometimes a better way to convey due to the reader getting their reactions and being able to learn more about them. So perhaps when introducing a new character it might be a good idea to just include one or two lines of dialogue as well :)

The brief return to the founders was really great even if it was only in Stephaneís thoughts. I canít wait for the Founders to actually appear because your description of them has been really great and really made them appear as people to me, I just want to meet them now. Also, Iím curious about their role and history with the Pied Piper as I have feeling they might be tied together.

So the story thickens! Iím intrigued about the Piper/Stephaneís real intentions. He seemed genuine when talking to Marigold and her father and how he genuinely seemed enthused about Hogwarts (small note, I loved the ancient lesson names Ė very fitting!) but, gah, thereís something there. I know from the tale what he does but I have a feeling something might be different I just donít know what.

The Princes Ė are they an early relation of Snape!

I liked the introduction of conflict in this chapter as it was a great prelude to later events. There was Stephane and his father. I have a feeling thereís some tension between them because of his mother and that will probably influence his later decisions. Then Marigold and Tripp. I have a feeling her alienating herself from friends is not a good idea!

A great chapter, and I canít wait to see what happens next!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I love writing the songs, and I'm glad you thought it set the scene! There's something so relaxing about coming up with rhymes and making them slightly coherent, haha.

I'm glad you liked the thoughts about Death, since she's a descendant of Ignotus Peverell and has already seen so many deaths it made sense that she would be very aware of Death's presence. I'm pleased you thought it also fit well with the idea of the Piper!

Thanks for pointing that out, I'll fix it! :)

I love reading and writing history-based fiction so I'm really happy you think it comes across well here. Since the church was such an important issue in those days - both in people's personal lives, and in the government and state - I wanted to tastefully tie it in. I'm pleased you liked the mayor's boy being crippled as well! Something I often forget about in this story was how high the mortality rate would have been and how so many people would have had health issues, so tying in that seemed suitable - and important to the story!

Ah, those are such good points about dialogue! I'm not very good at thinking of these things myself so that helps a lot.

It's great you're enjoying the founders element as well and they do make more of an appearance in coming chapters. You're definitely right to question Stephane, he's a very gray-area character in that he is both selfish and trying to fight for the greater good, and I really love writing him.

Hmm... it's very possible! :P

I'm so happy you liked this chapter and how it set up issues and tensions for coming chapters. I love writing this story so getting positive feedback is very encouraging. Thank you so much for this lovely review! :)



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