Hi Laura, Iím here with your requested review :)
Siriusí characterisation at the beginning of this chapter was really great. ♥ You built up the nervous and tense air of him really well and it almost began to make me worried about what I would find behind Regulusí door. The way you showed their relationship was really great as well, because you put the emphasis on the link of them being brothers with Regulus realising that Sirius needed to talk to him. I donít often see that happen, but I feel thatís probably the more likely version so it made me happy to see that.
Just remember to watch your comma splices at times like here ĎHe feels like a small child about to see the Minister, and hates himself for it.í As the second clause canít stand alone there is no need for the comma after Minister :)
The way Sirius picks out the small everyday things before bringing up the important matter worked really well. It sort of provided me with a base which I could relate to before the whole dying/poisoning drama was brought into this. That part was really tender when Sirius was asking Regulus whether everything was alright and I couldnít help but feel a little crushed on his before when Regulus sort of snubbed him. Though I do have a feeling that Regulus might be regretting that decision. Iím not sure why as itís probably just nothing but Iíll be on the lookout for anything odd.
Barty was really wonderful here! Youíve written this fresh and almost humorous characterisation of him so whenever he appears I help but let out a little laugh because heís so peculiar. I did have thoughts about him being involved in the murder someway due to his odd character so when Lucius approached him I was pleased. Though Bartyís haste in not replying was a little surprising. Iím not sure whether I should take that as not particularly wanting to or not really knowing what they mean.
A small note on Lucius. I really loved him here, because, again, it was something fresh as he did seem to care genuinely about whatever he thinks Barty is up to though when the agreement was brought up we were back to the same old power and money loving Lucius.
I really loved the scene with Narcissa and Sirius. ♥ Learning about all of Narcissaís hopes and fears made me a little nervous for her because I wouldnít want her to be the next one as I really like her as a character and for some reason I always feel drawn to her. I thought you captured Siriusí silent horror when he found out that Bella and Lucius were, in fact, killers very well. I could sense that the last of his innocence was lost then with the fact that he knew someone who had died.
Ooh and theories! I agree, and I do think it is someone in the house. With the way Walburga was sneaking around earlier my betís on her, but it will probably change! A great chapter ♥
Author's Response: Hey Kiana! :) Thanks for stopping by (again :P)!
Gah, I'm so glad you like Sirius! I really, really like writing him - he's got easier as it's gone along, which is nice - but he's not quite a canon or fanon version of him, I don't think... I'm so happy you liked the conversation between him and Regulus - it's something I've always wanted to explore more, and it may well be important later on in the story (hint hint, lol), so it worked out well, haha.
Regulus... yeah, you might be right ;) I wanted to kind of take the route that they're not quite 'okay' as it is, if that makes sense. They're brothers, sure, but it's a really strained relationship, even if they do kind of both want to fix it, but have no idea and too much pride to do it. Ah, Blacks! :P I'm glad you liked it though - it was sort of bittersweet and fun to write at the same time.
Commas! Gah, I hate commas... or maybe I love them too much; it's difficult to tell! Thanks for pointing it out - I have so much trouble with them! I'll remember to look out for it in future and to check when editing ;)
I'm so happy you like Barty! :D After Sirius, he's really one of my favourite characters to write. He's just so careless and amused by the whole thing; it's so different to the rest of it. Hmm... I couldn't possibly say whether you should think anything about it, you know ;) But, yeah, Lucius turning up was quite fun - necessary, really :) He does care about some things, but money and power are quite important too :P
Narcissa is a lovely character - I'm always so worried about getting her wrong and being too soft or something. That one was probably the bit I was most nervous about, since she's sort of the family member he gets on with the least and knows the least. You'd do well to be nervous for her, perhaps ;)
I'm glad you liked that bit, since it will come up a little later on, potentially. It's definitely a sort of loss of innocence thing, and he's really scared by it, I think.
Haha, Walburga? Nice idea :P I like that - I don't think anyone else has ever said Walburga, tbh. Curious... :)
Thanks so much for the brilliant review, Kiana - it was really helpful and wonderful! :)